So, like, a really goddamn long time ago...back when the Gaymes were still in their infancy, and when SWBs dominated the Semi-Canon...
Ophiacodon is challenged by Bageherpeton to say Zimbabwe three times fast backwards, and proceeds to explode.
Moschops looks at his kill streak and laughs in chonky, but all the smoking got to him, causing him to wheeze and suffocate. He hallucinates about the Pteridospermatophyta in the sky, then flips upside down and dies.
Giraffatitan steps on a LEGO sculpture of Jason Voorhees and begins shrieking. Saltasaurus puts him out of his misery by making him chug three gallons of Jarate.
Plateosaurus and Therizinosaurus stand off, glaring at each other. Hours pass as Triceratops, Stegosaurus, Kentrosaurus, Ankylosaurus, Euoplocephalus and Supersaurus gather around. A few more minutes pass, and eventually the crowd gets bored. Euoplo and Kentro begin brawling, which ends with their more famous counterparts killing them, and Supersaurus just disconnects from the server.
Our promising protag Lexovi is shot from behind by Paranthodon…WITH A STEEL CHAIR! His corpse ragdolls. The chair-wielding Paranth laugh-taunts his fallen victim.
Yanbeilong sees all of this, and being an introverted and emotional person, ties a noose around his neck due to watching his friends and family kill each other. Gigantspinosaurus, also known as Sir Pepperoni Salami McBuckingham LXV, father of Sir Pepperoni Salami McBuckingham LXVI, goes to stop him. “Brother, please, do not end yourself, there is hope…” “I’m sorry, brother, I cannot go on. Everyone I know is…*sob* is dying…killing each other like *sob* *sniff* animals…” With that, he swipes the platform out from him using his tail. Sir Pepperoni Salami McBuckingham LXV gets on his knees and screams “NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooooooo!!!...”
Titanosuchus: You will no longer distract me like this!
Ankyloogway: Oh yeah? Fine, whoever wins this round of Mapusaurus Kart 65 gets to live.
Titanosuchus: Okay.
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Oxalaia looks at the wheel on his watch, conveniently with all their names on it. The watch flashes with a certificate of cancer. “I think I have developed a cancer!” Oxalaia pulls the certificate out of the watch, before the watch turns into the Omnitrix, and the Ben-10 theme plays.
He begins scrolling through the choices of death, before slapping “Death Type: Cancer” and making his corpse ragdoll backwards.
Irritator is blabbing on and on about random pieces of trivial information, causing Protathlitis to slap him. “Shut up. I see why your name is Irritator.” “I see why your name is Protathlitis.” “What? Why?” “Because you sound like a disease.” This bomb of truth absolutely wrecks Protathlitis, who walks away sadly. The depressed dinosaur looks down at his fork and swallows it, choking to death like Squidward.
Ankyloogway: Shoulda brought my SPF 3 trillion sunscreen
Sir Pepperoni: But that garbage clogs pores, and is hated by all dermatologists ever!
Ankyloogway: Damn.
Sir Pepperoni: Look, over there! Such tomfoolery!
Ankyloogway: That Siamosaurus just overdosed on pills.
Titanosuchus: Oh no!
Ankyloogway: Oh no indeed.
...
...
...
...
Sir Pepperoni: What the fuck!? How did you infiltrate the dialogue?
Titanosuchus: Good question.
Ankyloogway: How dare you sneak up on us before we could sneak up on you!
Irritator, a.k.a. Pyrotator is running around, Spy-nosaurus checking everyone. Since everyone is in the water, it’s pointless. Ostafrikosaurus bites him in the neck. “Mmm…red.” “What the fuck? Who said you could be Marceline!?” “The writer.” Naganadel shrugs and proceeds to go to a different tab, vanishing from the battle. Ostafrikosaurus neck-snap-emotes Irritator, killing him. She then loots his corpse and peaces out, sinking into the water.
Cristatusaurus pulls up on Ostafrikasaurus and pulls a gun on her. “Listen here, vampire, this gun is loaded with pure silver bullets!” Ostafrikasaurus looks at the gun and bends the barrel, to which Cristatusaurus laughs. “It’ll burst out the end facing you anyways!” “Well no, this is Tyrant Universe, therefore logic doesn’t logic. Game over, choom.” Cristatusaurus holds up one finger, pulls out the roster, changes his legal name to Statue, and turns into stone.
Titanosuchus: Congrats on winning. Join me, and this will never happen to you again.
Sir Pepperoni: Don’t trust him! He’s a bad guy and is messing with the vibes!
Valli: I hate vibe-messers.
Ichthyo: Messers isn’t a word!
Ankyloogway: He killed your family.
Valli: I hate family murderers!
Ichthyo: I hate it when you say you hate something!
Titanosuchus: Yeah, it’s annoying, please stop.
Valli: Damn. Oh hey, real dialogue! We’re actually talki-
Ichthyo: Shut up! We will never join you, stupid therapist!
Ankyloogway: That’s a therapsith, not a therapist!
Titanosuchus: I’m so offended I can’t even speak.
Spinosaurus: In my family, we're all either named something weird or something boring. My name will be Spiny.
Vectispinus: I nominate myself Vector!
Ichthyovenator: Son of a bitch, you are not him! Oh well, my name is Grinch.
Valli: All of your guys' names are weird! My name is Valter K. Light-Grey.
H.Z: You all are giving me a migraine.
Ostafrika: Also I'm alive. I'll just go as Charlie.
Gigacroc: ...I am confused. Are we just picking names?
Titanosuchus: You're...you're...uh, who are you?
???: I'm that Baryonyx guy who's haunted by the bitch I absorbed using hippie magic.
Titanosuchus: Checks out. How are you alive?
Baryonyx: I always come back.
Titanosuchus: Damnit, you even have the accent. You're hired.
Baryonyx: Hired as what?
Cryolophosaurus: It is good day to drink bottle o' Scrumpeh!
Sinornithosaurus: I want some!
Antarctopelta! Shut up! That bottle isn't real!
Cryolophosaurus: Ya know what? Neither is the prison.
...It fucking works. It's as if she's magic.
Antarctopelta: Aren't there rules against shit like this?
Sinornithosaurus: My guy, you are saying this in a universe where we've been deported to space hell because of the Great Desolation, which may I remind you has Titans from an anime series beating the living shit out of Metal Gears, I don't think there are rules against magic.
Olorotitan: I want to go home!
Dakotaraptor: Yeah.
Kentrosaurus: Bruh this dialogue bro
Cryolophosaurus: I have a stupid idea! Let's overthrow the legal system!
Everybody shuts up and looks at her.
Sinornithosaurus: But how?
Cryolophosaurus: Well, step 1, crash this ship. Step 2, go home. Step 3, I have no idea.
Meanwhile, Antarctopelta has joined Space Infirmary Suspect Imprisonment, or S.I.S.I. because they're all sissies. He's raised in the Nodosaurid Node, where specific nodosaurids are sent for training.
Hatzegopteryx: Listen here boys, we're going in for another space raid!
*various pterosaur cheers*
Geosternbergia: Can I pluck out our victims' eyeballs?
Dimorphodon: If you can get to them first! Bwahahahahaha!
Ikrandraco: *thoughts*You all suck. Good thing I've sabotaged the mission for good this time.
Thalassodromeus: *thoughts* Whatever Ikran's planning, it's bad.
Hatzegopteryx: Ya ready boys?
*various pterosaur cheers*
Hatzegopteryx: For ever a pterosaur pirate!
All except Ikran and Thalass: ARRR! ROAAWK!
Hatzegopteryx: Alright boys, we're coming in! Gear 5!
All the pirates: *spread their wings to slow their descent*
Geosternbergia #1: I have pink eye.
Dimorphodon #1: So you have a septic eye?
Pteranodon #1: Bruh.
Dimorphodon #2: We don't talk about StaurikSepticEye here anymore, not after he was absolutely owned by Marshoplier.
Sinornithosaurus: We got pirates!
Olorotitan: Pie rats!? Again?
Kentrosaurus: Bruh. *pokes his head out the window* Yep, pirates.
Cryolophosaurus: But we only have dirt! The only other thing we have are the scales on our backs!
Dakotaraptor: We got ambushers on the other side. This is Panthera Formation, I'd recognize it anywhere.
Olorotitan: You worked for the military?
Dakotaraptor: I was the calvary in my squadron. They were all gunned down in Morrison by filthy sauropods. I was captured, sold for two cents and a gum wrapper, then deported.
Kentrosaurus: What's the difference between Morrison Formation and Panthera formation?
Sinornithosaurus: The difference is that if the formation is named after a place, it's fine, but if it's named after an animal or a funny letter, it's something the military uses.
Ikrandraco: Whew! Nailed it!
Thalassodromeus: Got you, traito-IKRAN!?
Ikran: I can explain!
Dakotaraptor: *stealth 1 billion deactivated* You both will.
Cryptocleidus: Sir! MMPRSMS incoming!
Albertonectus #1: Dear god...
Kronosaurus #1: What the painis is that?
Cryptocleidus: Massive Marine Prehistoric Reptile Singing a Meme Song!
Shonisaurus #1: How long until he gets here?
Cryptocleidus: He's coming in too fast! GET TO THE BUNKER!
Simosaurus: Sir! Pliosaurus inbound!
Nothosaurus #1: But I'm not ready to get funkei!
Nothosaurus #2: I'm not ready for Freddy!
Simosaurus: Every day, I want to punt someone more and more.
Lariosaurus #1: Launching all of our most effective warheads at the threat!
Simosaurus: NOOOOOOO DON'T DO I-
Gastonia: Attention! We have a mission! You are to scout the Mariner system immediately! Check every planet except Dante, and check every moon except Dante's moon, Inferno.
Nodosaurus novice #1: Dante's Inferno reference?
Gastonia:
And now for some actual Gaymes and shit
Uh, Mimik, no offense, but Sir Stego just pissed on Funky Kong. Self-advertisement is cringe anyways (kidding...kidding...)
Kelbeam, go back to school. Oh no, V the MURDER DRONE just MURDERED someone!
Eoraptor: AWAY, BEASTS!
Saurolophus: Bruh.
Pachy: Share the fire please.
Eoraptor: I won't just share it with you. You'll have to pry it from my cold dead a-
Charonosaurus: AYOOOOOO
V: Goddamnit! Turn this turkey into a fine red mist!
Spino: I am, madam, but this rockey launcher doesn't work!
Ebirah: *slaps head in lobster*
Kelbeam: You dumbass, it's backwards!
SPDFD: You'll never take me alive!
Kelbeam: We aren't trying!
Legbear: *stands still*
Ultima: I'ma yoink some friends.
Discord: *slams table* Where are our combatants?
Monika: I wouldn't know. I live in your X-box.
Spring Bonnie: I thought you were a security program.
Cyn: Bonnie!
Discord: Welp, we're stuck with her forever. At least she ain't Mik-
Spring Bonnie: DO NOT SAY THE WORD! There is a flying robot space hobo who will murder you for tricking him into thinking that "the gal" was here!
Angel Dust: Why am I here?
Cyn: Why is Angel Dust here?
Discord: Why IS Angel Dust here?
Koro-Sensei: Shut up.
-1: Ice. Why did it have to be ice?
1/2CWGoji: We had no other choice. Our ideal world was flooded.
Ken Sato: As an Ultraman, I desire to know our purpose here.
FWGoji: Spy on and crush the Americans.
Minus One: But my wife, Tiamat!
Megalon: You two were engaged?
Minus One: Duh!
Tiamat: What?
Minus One: THANK THE GO-
1/2CWGoji: Hold it right there. You two may be engaged, but she is also a captive.
Tiamat: Motherfu-
Lipectomy Godzilla: Uh, sir?
Neo-Legend: Yes?
Lipectomy Godzilla: Why do you despise the Japanese this much?
Neo-Legend: ...they disowned me. Disowned us. All because we agreed to be in Fortnite.
Lipectomy Godzilla: That's f*cking stupid!
Zilla '98: Heya!
Neo-Legend: Also because Bioghidorah is an abomination, and who knows what else they're trying to cook up in their horrid labs!
Zilla: Hey! I'm over here!
Lipectomy Godzilla: Okay, that is valid. OH HELL, WE GOT AXES ON OUR REAR!
Zilla: WE TOILED IN GOD'S TOILET! *girly scream*
ChocoBonnie: Yes!
Lambeosaurus: No!
Evil Ogerpon: Rip his balls off!
*general arguing*
It's called "Doofus ignoramus" (C&H reference), and if you didn't know about it, you are crossdressing English mailbox! -American Boot, the Hippie Painis of War, a hit non-fiction military book about how to stop robot unicorns from capturing Scotland!
Why the fuck did I call Kieran a twink?
Darcy: I ripped a man's balls off once. Then, I flayed him alive and used his tanned leather to make the bench you're sitting on.
- Alpha and Aval (L+ratio)
???: Welcome!
Miku: Who are you!? What do you want?
Indoraptor Generation 2 Level 40: I'm just a simple gal who needs money. My distant relative the Consultant wants my head. (then again, Consultant Indoraptor wants everyone dead)
Ah yes, the Consultant is related to the main antagonist from the first half of the cringest season. Episode 7 of Season 2 isn't canon btw
TO BE CONTINU-oh, sorry, Chibi Mothra wants Battra to let her do the outro instead.
𝓣𝓸 𝓫𝓮 𝓬𝓸𝓷𝓽𝓲𝓷𝓾𝓮𝓭 <𝟑
Neolamia: What's this "Great Birb Desolation"? What the hell is the "Cart Titan", and why does it look disgusting!?
The Nest was pretty balls anyways. -Phantom Freddy/Semi-Canon Studios meme lord, thirteen seconds before the mods caught him and dunked him into a pit of Skibidi Peter Griffins. (typing that alone makes me feel sick)
IndoG2: Ahh. So that's the way it's going to be, then?
Mihiku: *glares*
IndoG2: Okay, we're not friends!
Ah yes, Mihiku, the balance between the Space Hobo Cult's goddess Matsune Hiku and the Chosen One.
IndoG2's legs give out. Surprisingly, Missing.bit comes to Indo's aid, sacrificing itself to free the Chosen One from Hiku's grasp. When Miku comes to, her opponent has been brutalized, without fingers or functioning legs. Before she can argue...
IndoGen2: I was wrong. Leave, now. Before he claims you too. Do not squander it!
They lock eyes, reptile to Vocaloid.
IndoGen2: The legacy I leave you. Now, go!
Miku runs, and IndoGen2 closes her eyes as the building collapses, leaving her on the ground. Miku looks back, briefly. The crime boss is beheaded in one clean stroke by an almost-identical figure with a katana and a bandana. Tears in her eyes, the Chosen One secures the last ship and flees the ruined asteroid fighting ring.
Consultant Indoraptor: *chuckles* What a curious little girl.
He looks into the eyes of his dead "sister".
Consultant Indoraptor: I expected more from you, but I guess family can be a bigger letdown than life itself. Honestly, it doesn't matter. One more victim on the list, one more notch on my blade. I'll kill them all, sister. You'll see each other soon, don't worry. *chuckles*
(the Consultant was pretty badass here imo, even if this shit is literally SEMI-Canon.)
Starscream happens to record Megistotherium getting thugged.
Starscream: Hahaha*snort*hahaha! *Spy laugh taunt* This is going into my cringe compilation! Oops, Spinosaurus of the Flight Logs just called, I'ma go answer that.
To this day, I haven't figured out what Spinosaurus of the Flight Logs really was.
2B CONTINUED! (hehe, Gemini, see what I did there? 2B! To be! Get it?)
Yes, Battra, we get it. Haha funny Nier:Automata reference. Eat your yogurt.
NO!
1/2CWGoji: Alright, Mutineer, prepare to taste Japanese justice. If you think about cheating and so much as try to, your head will be mine.
Neo-Legend: What makes you so sure? You do realize the last time Japan was part of a group called Axis, they lost?
1/2CWGoji: And that led to Godzilla's creation. We are not so different, you and I.
Bagan: I'm bouta Oxygen Destroy YOUR Bagan UTS!
Megalon *from afar*: Hey, it's a callback to a Season 1 episode!
Gigan: It's also a testicle pun.
Megalon: What?
Gigan: Say it fast.
Megalon: Oxygendestroyingthatbaganuts
Gigan: See?
Megalon: Oxygen destroying that bag o' nuts? OH MY GOD-
Gigan: *smirk*
Ultraman Man: That's it, I'm revoking your rights.
Heisei Gamera: No, no, let them keep their rights. Strap them to four horses and delimb them instead.
Showa Gigan: Aw shit, here we go again-
I am fully convinced I wrote Season 2 while I was on crack. I don't do crack, but looking back, this is full of crack-induced mania.
Super Half-Century: Just for that, I'm gonna kick your ass even harder!
Evolved Neo-Legend: That's goddamn right, freak!
Bagan: Oh really? Veggies help me even live out here in space, what's a foot up the ass gonna do, hurt?
Super Half-Century: Ideally.
Evolved Neo-Legend: Crazy how we got this fight before GTA6.
King Caesar: Yawn. Good morning.
Biollante: Good morning.
King Caesar: So, if you're trans, what gender are you today?
Biollante: It's a mood thing. I'll tell you when I can actually decide.
Kiryu: 'Sup?
The other two stare at MechaGodzilla Kiryu from the Millennium era film Tokyo S.O.S. of the Godzilla franchise that belongs to Toho of Japan.
King Caesar: Why are you here this time?
Kiryu: My little pets escaped my simulated planet.
Biollante: You mean that terrarium with the funny small robots?
Kiryu: Yeah, and now I can't find them :(
King Caesar: Maybe don't label the only entrance with a gap under the door large enough to fit your silly little autistic robots "DO NOT CRAWL UNDER" next time.
Kiryu: But Caesar! Drones can't read!
List of Atragon crewmates iirc:
- Archie Tails
- Ebirah
- Flying Tank
- Ebirah
- Miku, the Chosen
- Kieran
- Tsunami
- Prince Arctic
- Evil Ogerpon
- Good Ogerpon
- Chaotic Ogerpon
- Lawful Ogerpon
Cryolophosaurus' squad:
- Cryolophosaurus
- Sinornithosaurus
- Kentrosaurus
- Olorotitan
- Irwin the Alpha Irritator
- Dakotaraptor
- Pliosaurus
- Ikrandraco
- Thalassodromeus (against her will)
- Cryptocleidus (abducted)
- Archelon (abducted)
- Liopluerodon (abducted)
- Simosaurus (abducted)
This place is b a l l i n ', yo...
Chicken nuggets be c r i s p y like you've never s e e n.