List of characters (not in order of appearance):[]
- Cyn (Murder Drones)
- Uzi Doorman (Murder Drones)
- Serial Designation N (Murder Drones)
- Serial Designation J (Murder Drones)
- Serial Designation V (Murder Drones)
- Doll (Murder Drones)
- Jet Jaguar (only speaks in sign language)
- Desghidorah
- Ultraman Belial
- Godzilla Aquatilis
- Chibi Ghidorah
- Mother Legion (Gamera 1996)
- Skar King (Godzilla x Kong: the New Empire)
- Titanus Shimo (Godzilla x Kong: the New Empire)
- Heisei Godzilla
- Legendary Godzilla
- MonsterVerse Mothra
- MonsterVerse Rodan
- Manda
- Ebirah
- Baragon
- Titanosaurus
- GMK Baragon
- Thousand-Year-Dragon (GMK) King Ghidorah (TYD-KG)
- Biollante
- SpaceGodzilla
- Super Mechagodzilla
- Mechagodzilla 1974
- Kiju Type-0 G-Breaker
- Mechagodzilla 2021
- Mecha-King Ghidorah
- Machine G (Kodansha "King of the Monsters" manga)
- Kiryu (Mechagodzilla 2003)
- Monster X/Keizer Ghidorah
- Gigan Rex and Gemstone Megalon
- MGR-IInd/Moguera IInd
- SMG-IInd/Super Mechagodzilla IInd
- Mogs (Moguera 1956)
- MOGS (Moguera 1994)
- Chibi Ghidorah (Chibi Godzilla Raids Again)
- Chibi Mechagodzilla (Chibi Godzilla Raids Again)
- Destoroyah
- Orga
- Titanus Tiamat
- Lahamu (daughter of Titanus Tiamat)
- Heisei Mothra
- Titanus Behemoth (MonsterVerse)
- Evangelion Unit-008 (Evangelion)
Cyn: Wowie :3 this island is full of dinosaurs.
She looks out over a Disney-esque valley full of sauropods, hadrosaurs, ankylosaurs, and other such herbivorous creatures.
Edmontosaurus of Dinopedia: I am here to regain my true strength and conqu-
Cyn whips around and shoots him in the face with a shotgun, killing him.
Cyn: Have fun next reincarnation.
Cyn travels down into the valley, keeping her head down to avoid conversation. Eventually, she comes within sight of Mount Kakaiba, where a glimmering golden seal hovers above the dormant volcano's top.
Cyn: Easy-peasy.
Halfway up the mountain, she comes face-to-face with Jet Jaguar, who is sunbathing(?) and enjoying the nice weather. The hero looks up, makes a clearly disgusted noise, and speaks in Japanese sign language.
Jet Jaguar: Please leave, this area's off limits.
Cyn: No. I want to talk to the big kitty.
Jet Jaguar: Kid, there's no big kitty in the mountain. There's a giant evil death god who wants to kill everyone.
Cyn: Sounds amazing :0 can I see it?
Jet Jaguar: *gets up* Oh my Fukui Province with yo- oh fuck, it's you, Cyn. I'm going to kick yer fokkin' arse so bad that Kiryu won't know it's you when I throw you through his window.
Cyn: Pout.
Jet Jaguar teleports behind Cyn and uppercuts her, but she teleports right before the blow lands and shoves JJ down.
Cyn: I have party tricks too :3
Cyn and Jet Jaguar begin engaging in absolute peak combat
(hell nah I ain't writing ALL that, my writers have lives too)
Cyn: Funny man, let me go to the funny circle pwease :3
Jet Jaguar: No, because f*ck you
Jet Jaguar uppercuts Cyn and begins pulling a Killer Queen on the whimsical maid, sending her flying across the valley. As he chases after her, Cyn begins sprouting Absolute Solver goop hands out of her back.
Cyn: I has upper hand :smirk: or should I say hands :evil_smile:
Jet Jaguar: What the hell.
Cyn and JJ continue fighting, teleporting, changing sizes, shooting lasers, slapping bottles of apple juice away from Biollante, who is definitely addicted to apple juice (she/he/they so me bro), sweeping chimneys, reading books, punching and kicking each other, yadda yadda yadda.
Jet Jaguar: *activates antennae* Yo beetch
Kiryu: What?
Jet Jaguar: I found the weird furry one.
Kiryu: She's not a furr-where the hell even are you, I'm in the Bahamas right now!
Jet Jaguar: We're on Monster Island, dumbass.
Kiryu: On my way.
Cyn: Who were you talking to?
Jet Jaguar: Your owner, now stop fighting before I activate my phonk IDW powers.
Cyn: *visible confusion*
Jet Jaguar takes his chance and socks her right across the face while she's struggling to register the absolute pogger that JJ is.
Cyn: Owie :frown: now I'm going to have to kill you :(
Jet Jaguar: Try it asshole, you can't handle this.
JJ activates the IDW powerscaling, and suddenly becomes swole. He then begins menacingly approaching Cyn.
Jet Phonkuar bitchslaps that fool, causing Cyn to fly almost to the top of the crater she was trying to reach.
Jet Phonkuar: Any last words?
Cyn: *sniffle* I just *sniffle* wanna see big kitty *sniffle*
Jet Phonkuar: Well-
Cyn suddenly snaps her torso 180 degrees, activates the Solver, and breaks the Seal. Jet Jaguar somehow frowns, and Desghidorah emerges from the now-erupting volcano.
Desghidorah: *yawn* What?
Cyn: Fren?
Desghidorah: Sure.
Cyn teleports onto Des's middle head and begins petting him, before JJ punts her and spikes her into the ground.
Jet Jaguar: I've had enough of this. Die.
As Jet Jaguar goes to rip her heart out, Cyn gets up, broken limbs dangling.
Cyn: [syntaxerror:critical_damage] {correcting_syntaxerror:critical_damage}
All of her limbs snap back into place sickeningly, including her neck. She stares right at Jet Jaguar.
Cyn: ENOUGH.
Jet Jaguar: Wha- who- how did-
She pulls out her freaking sword, and in an instant, is behind him. Jet Jaguar, confused, turns around. His arm falls clean off.
Cyn: PESTILENT WEED.
Jet Jaguar: You wanna have a bad time?
His left eye begins glowing blue because I'm running out of ideas.
Jet Jaguar: I never really liked your hair or your sense of fashion.
Cyn: BITCH I'M FABULOUS.
The fight resumes, with JJ summoning Gaster Blasters, Destructo-Disks, and other fun projectiles to make up for his missing arm, while Cyn scuttles after him like a deranged spider. They tear across Monster Island, leveling entire hills and terraforming the desert because all Monster Island epic anime fights need to happen in the uninhabited desert.
Cyn: YOU WILL FALL!
Jet Jaguar: I will fall, but you will perish. As the guardian of this dumb island, it's my job to physically abuse villains like you.
Cyn: HA. I LAUGH. YOU DO NOT INTIMIDATE ME.
Jet Jaguar: *hits Cyn* Fool.
He begins using Godzilla Unleashed: DS physics, becoming truly i-[title card] and severely damaging Cyn.
Jet Jaguar: I am essentially a god. You're looking at the one who has knocked Godzilla out in one blow and the one who has consistently beaten monsters much stronger than you. I will-
Cyn: I REFUSE. I REFUSE! I REFUSE! I REFUSE!
Cyn begins shouting and sprouts dozens more arms, each one wielding a Solver projectile. The sand beneath her turns into glass and shatters, and JJ is knocked back.
Jet Jaguar: Oh shit-
Cyn: I WILL DESTROY YOU ALL! I WILL! I WILL!
Cyn continues gathering energy and edgily screaming. JJ teleports right beneath her and grows in size, doing a classic uppercut. Cyn staggers, and Jet Jaguar begins unleashing hell with every move in his arsenal. Cyn blocks with the dozens of extra arms, and also begins firing back at him. They both leap back and begin charging beams for the ultimate beam clash.
JJ fires early in the hopes of obliterating Cyn before she can fire, but Cyn uses the Solver as a shield, before pulling a move from Ultima's book and using the Solver as a power amplifier for her beam. Cyn fires back, and JJ is sent into outer space, possibly never to return. Suddenly, Desghidorah slams into her, and they both make surprised noises.
Ultraman Belial: I am Ultraman Belial of the Ultraman series where I am the Ultraman villain Ultraman Belial! And I'm going to conquer this stupid island and everyone on it!
Cyn: Owie :( I just got done owning someone too
Desghidorah: Yeah no, screw that noise.
Ultraman Belial laughs as Desghidorah grabs Cyn and swims away (he hadn't regained his wings). He fires a few energy blasts from his staff at Des for good measure, before turning around.
Ultraman Belial: Haha! Such a wonderful island! A perfect place to summon my latest army: R O B O T S!
Insert the summoning of Mann vs. Machine-esque copies of the monsters and other characters of the Semi-Canon, the Slumber Gaymes participants, and basically everything. Ultraman Belial creates a rocky throne on top of the mountain where the Seal was, and sits down, laughing maniacally before pausing.
Ultraman Belial: You, with the stupid face! *points at Robo-Eleking* Get me a cushion! My butt hurts from sitting on this hunk of rock! *grumbles* Seriously, how do other people sit on such uncomfortable things and not complain? This sucks!
-
Episode 2
-
SpaceGodzilla of the unreleased comedy series "On Monster Island", which the rest of the kaiju of this season are from too, is in Dainashi Supermarket from the hit show Chibi Godzilla Raids Again. He reaches for the last jar of clearance pickles when a bone whip comes flying out of nowhere and snatches it from him.
SpaceGodzilla: Nooooooo! My pickles!
Skar King: I think you meant MY pickles!
The space dinosaur turns around and sees the baldass ape holding the jaw of pickles while grinning.
SpaceGodzilla: You asshole! Those were mine!
Skar King: Nah, I think I'm the one holding them.
SpaceGodzilla: Fine! I challenge you to the time-honored TRADITION!
Skar King: Hah! I'd win, but you're on! Yo, Cheebs!
Waddling over to them is a simple yellow three-headed shop manager: Chibi Ghidorah, from Chibi Godzilla Raids Again.
Chibi Ichi: What?
Skar King: Ring...the bell.
Chibi Ni: Are you mad!? It's almost discount hour!
SpaceGodzilla: You heard him.
Chibi San: Ooooooh! It's the tradition.
Chibi Ichi: An odd time for the tradition, but who are we to deny the tradition?
Chibi Ni: We will only add one rule. But fine. The tradition will begin at the beginning of discount hour.
Chibi Ghidorah walks away. Both SpaceGodzilla and Skar King walk to the store's entrance, each grabbing a cart. They both glare at each other before tightening their grips on their carts.
Chibi Ichi: Attention shoppers! The tradition will begin today at discount hour! On top of the 30% discount on all items, anything that ISN'T in the meal bar or the deli will be an additional 40% off! The only rule the tradition has added to the already long roster is that THE STORE MUST REMAIN CLEAN!
Chibi San: The hour is at hand.
Chibi Ni: I just hope we don't get fired.
DING! DONG! The tradition starts exactly at noon. SpaceGodzilla and Skar King, who were reviewing each other's grocery lists as is mandatory the minute before, blitz past the starting checkout lines, carts at the ready.
Skar King: Later, chump!
Skar King whips SpaceGodzilla's cart and rides away into the frozen treats isle. SpaceGodzilla, flabbergasted, narrowly keeps his cart from wrecking into the vegetables. Looking over his list, he uses his mind powers to grab tomatoes, brussels sprouts, and cabbage. He also takes the chance to nab some bread, cookies, fried chicken from the stand, and Caesar salad before rushing over to the seafood section.
Chibi Ni: IT IS TIME!
Chibi San: TRIAL ONE! Spin the wheel!
.
.
.
Chibi Ichi: THE FIRST TRIAL WILL BE HEDGEHOG MANIA! Avoid Shadow or else he'll yoink your hard-earned gains! To make it fair, Shadow will be accompanied by a Shadow Android! Be wary, challengers!
The android lands on SpaceGodzilla's cart.
SpaceGodzilla: Get! Off!
Android: Liberating groceries.
SpaceGodzilla attempts to fend off the android, but loses his tomatoes. At least Skar King isn't doing any better, Space hears a furious roar from the dairy isles.
SpaceGodzilla: Chump-
Shadow: Nice bread.
SpaceGodzilla: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
SpaceGodzilla grabs Shadow and hurls him across the store, before making a mad dash for the yogurt. Luckily, bell 1 rings, and the two hedgehogs disappear.
Chibi Ni: Are you sure Shadow has been a trial since the start? The tradition has been going on for centuries.
Chibi Ichi: We originally used Speed Stingers, but they're hard to import and they had a nasty attitude. A Speed Stinger cost Titanus Behemoth the world record back in 1806 when he challenged Titanus Methuselah over a glass of sweet tea.
Chibi San: We briefly used remote-control aircraft, but times have changed.
Chibi Ni: Fair.
Skar King: Hmm...I should play it safe here. I still have Totinos and Blue Bunny ice cream in the cart. I have a somewhat short list, so I'll swing by-
SpaceGodzilla: HEADS UP!
The space dinosaur blitzes by Skar King, yoinking the pickles and one Combination Totinos right out of Skar's cart.
Skar King: YOU ASSHOLE!
SpaceGodzilla: EAT A DI-
SpaceGodzilla promptly crashes somewhere in the toiletries section, which makes Skar King laugh a little before yoinking Space's cookies with his whip and running.
SpaceGodzilla: Hahahhahaaaaaooooooh SHI-
His cart's wheels are suddenly sabotaged by a familiar hybrid with a familiar weapon, causing Space to wreck again.
SpaceGodzilla: Who the hell are you!?
Indoraptor: I thought you'd remember me from the Jurassic Park wiki, specifically a certain spinwheel battle.
SpaceGodzilla: *reads the episode title* Okay so I knew there was gonna be an Indoraptor...
Indoraptor: Surprise...
SpaceGodzilla: So why the hell is there *points at a Gen 2 next to the dropped salad* a second Indoraptor?
Indoraptor: She's my sister. Made with Indom Gen 2 DNA mixed with actual Blue DNA. Oh, and she's supposedly a reincarnation of the one Indoraptor from last season.
SpaceGodzilla: I remember watching that show. The first half was ass. Now please get out of my way.
Indoraptor: Why?
SpaceGodzilla: I'm in the middle of the tradition.
Indoraptor: Wha-
SpaceGodzilla picks up his cart and all his stuff before driving away to the arts and crafts area.
Indoraptor: *changes to MNK (Final Fantasy 14, Monk job class)* Oh no you don't!
The hero begins sprinting after the crazed shopper.
SpaceGodzilla: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
Indoraptor: Come back here you son of a BITC-
SpaceGodzilla: NO FUCKING SWEARING NEXT TO A CHILD!
Indoraptor Gen 2: *crying*
SpaceGodzilla: Look what you did!
While Indoraptor is distracted, Space takes his chance and skidaddles away. Meanwhile, Skar King has been just chilling, confident that he'll win the tradition.
Skar King: *sees SpaceGodzilla run by* Man, what I'd give to be a young blind idiot. Heh.
Indoraptor: Sucker attack!
Indoraptor tips Skar's cart and runs away after Space. Skar King does the infamous NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO sound effect over his spilled spoils.
Indoraptor: That's what'cha get for bein' a bitch!
Skar King: APE ARMY! GATHER MY GROCERIES!
Skar's ape #1: Okay boss
Skar's ape #2: I banged Suko's mo-
Skar's ape #3: WHAT THE HELL BRO
Skar's ape #4: Get that motherfucker!
The rest of the apes mob #2 and rip all his flesh off.
Chibi Ichi: TIME IS UP! Discount hour is over! The tradition is over! Challengers, please present your shopping lists and carts to the self-checkout!
Indoraptor: This was all a freaking game!?
SpaceGodzilla: It wasn't. It's the tradition.
Indoraptor: What tradition?
Skar King: Prepare for embarrassment, loser.
SpaceGodzilla: Oh really? I'm going to dethrone you so bad even your mother won't know it's you!
Skar King: I stoned my mother to death. She was even crueler than I was.
SpaceGodzilla: So being a total dick runs in the family.
Skar King: I wasn't a dick, you just took too much offense to me taking the pickles.
Chibi Ni: I SAID BRING YOUR CARTS! If none of you comply, you both will be disqualified! Shamed! Evicted!
Chibi San: Wait, we have that power?
Chibi Ichi: Only the store manager, and only against the losers of the competition. This only happened one other time when we evicted an unnamed Kong and Titanus Scylla from Monster Island. Come to think of it, we've evicted most of the Titans.
Both SpaceGodzilla and Skar King bring their heaping carts to the self-checkout.
Chibi San: Um...
Chibi Ni: Uh...
Chibi Ichi: Hmm...
All three: *in sync* We are deciding this with cart weight!
Skar King: What!?
SpaceGodzilla: Oh no! Crap!
Chibi Ichi: We are NOT going to sort out all items out by cost!
Chibi Ni: We'd be here for three weeks trying to sort through all of, well, THAT!
Chibi San: ...
Chibi Ichi: What?
Chibi San: Where are we going to find weight scales that won't break...
Chibi Ni: Oh! I know! Let's ask the Lady of the Lake!
Chibi Ichi: Good idea!
The three-headed store manager takes the carts to the largest lake on the island and chants a short hymn.
Tiamat: What?
Chibi San: Titanus Tiamat.
Chibi Ichi: Lady of the Lake-
Tiamat: Just call me Tiamat. What is it? I hear Lahamu crying.
Chibi Ni: We need you to determine who wins the tradition.
Tiamat: You can't be seri- *glances over* what in the name of-
Chibi Ichi: They chose to hold the tradition during discount hour.
Tiamat: Oh. Oh my. I'll help right away.
Tiamat uses her whiskers to scan both carts. Her expression is grim.
Tiamat: It's a perfect tie. Height, weight, cost, number of items, everything.
Chibi Ni: But- but that means-
Tiamat: Yes...there are no winners this time-
Skar's ape #1: Oh hey Skar, did you win?
Skar: It's a draw.
Skar's ape #3: Man, what a waste of energy.
Tiamat: Pardon?
Skar King: They helped push the cart around-
Skar's ape #4: And fetched, like, half the items.
Tiamat: So you cheated with outside help.
Skar King: No! I brought them along to go shopping with!
SpaceGodzilla: That's cheating!
Chibi Ni: Hohohoho! Looks like we caught a CHEATER!
Tiamat: OFF THE ISLAND WITH YOU! And your accomplices.
Skar King: Wait-
SpaceGodzilla uses his telepathic powers to hurl the apes off of Monster Island.
Shimo (MonsterVerse, female ice Titan from 2024): I'm still chained up ya know.
SpaceGodzilla: Let me guess, Skar King has the key?
Shimo: Yep.
Tiamat: Well, uh...Lahamu's feeding time. I'm leaving.
Tiamat swims back into the deeper part of the lake.
Indoraptor: This water's nice and cool.
Chibi Ni: Yep. Pure...cool...unfiltered...ocean water.
Indoraptor: *spit take* WHAT!?
Chibi Ichi: Tiamat is a saltwater titan. What did you expect?
Indoraptor: I thought this was a LAKE, not a DEATH TRAP.
Chibi San: Hey, don't diss the lake! We catch good tuna here!
SpaceGodzilla: I actually still need to try that-
???: Yo!
The water turns red as something approaches them.
Indoraptor: Who are you?
???: I'm Godzilla Aquatilis. I sent myself back in time to warn you about Ultraman Belial and the release of Desghidorah!
SpaceGodzilla: Ultra-who? And Desghidorah isn't gonna be free for another few-
Chibi San: You're late. The Seal of Mothra is broken.
A massive yellow beam penetrates the morning sky. Faint screaming robot noises are heard as it streaks over their heads.
Shimo: That was Jet Jaguar.
Godzilla Aquatilis: Wait, that means-!
Ultraman Belial from several mountaintops away: I am the Ultraman villain Ultraman Belial from the Ultraman series where I am Ultraman villain Ultraman Belial!
Godzilla Aquatilis: I'm too late...
SpaceGodzilla: If this guy wants a take-over, *cracks neck* he's gonna have to fight all of Monster Island.
Shimo: Aye.
Godzilla Aquatilis: But I'm here because your first ambush failed! Godzilla was killed and Ultraman Belial enslaved everyone to build more robots!
SpaceGodzilla: Then let's just not ambush him the first time.
Shimo: Good plan.
-
Episode 5
-
SD-N: Well, this is a nice island!
SD-V: What are we all doing here?
Doll: You tell me, heathen.
Uzi: Why are those two here?
SD-J: Believe me, I'd rather be elsewhere.
???: *screech!*
Uzi: WHAT IN THE NAME OF-
???: Well...isn't this...just...PERFECT?
Uzi: Who the scrap are you!?
???: You'll find out soon. Hit it, boys!
Gigan Rex: Yessir!
Gigan Rex and Gemstone Megalon proceed to beat up the comically oversized radio they brought.
???: Oh my god! I didn't mean literally! Play my theme song!
Gigan Rex: o h
Gemstone Megalon: Mb homie
They both look at the radio, then at each other.
Gigan Rex: Uh...how?
???: *facepalm*
Doll: Твои друзья глупые!
???: I'VE NOTICED! Fuck it.
??? proceeds to throw a brick at Gigan Rex, which ricochets and hits Gemstone Megalon as well, knocking them both unconscious.
???: I am Monster X. And my dumbass friends are only here because our boss is an asshole.
SD-J: O...kay?
Uzi: Tell your boss we're not in the mood for this!
Monster X: Oh no, my boss wants me to either capture you five, or make you fucking explode. The first option preferred.
SD-V: And who's your boss?
Monster X: The Showa Xiliens, who are renting my services from the Final Wars Xiliens. And JCJenson in SPAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACE.
SD-J: ??? But I work for them too!
Monster X: They gave me orders. As a workaholic, you'd probably understand, J.
SD-N: Do you like puppies?
Monster X: Yes, actually. Taste good marinated in soy sauce.
SD-N: *horrified* YOU'RE A MONSTER!!
Monster X: Yes, N, I am, it's in my fucking name and it's my job description.
Uzi: Watch your language!
Monster X: Nuh. Fucking. UH!
Doll, bored of this garbage, throws a knife at Monster X. It bounces harmlessly off his face.
Monster X: Was that supposed to do something?
Doll: It was supposed to get you to shut up.
In response, Monster X stands still for a few seconds before shooting lasers at the crew, sending the five in different directions.
Monster X: Maybe I will fucking blow you all up instead of letting you live.
Monster X: Come out! I promise I won't go too hard on you!
Uzi: *whispering* what's the plan
N: *whispering* let's break his ankles
Doll: Time out!
Everyone else pokes their heads out of their hiding places. Monster X turns around, and his two idiot companions wake up.
Doll: You two! идиоты!
Gigan Rex: Us?
Doll: Yes!
Gigan Rex: What about us?
Doll: Are you going to fight us too?
Gemstone Megalon: Oh, GOD(zilla) NO! That's not our job!
Gigan Rex: We're content creators, not mobsters! Aw, fuggetaboudit!
Gemstone Megalon: OH CRAP! Gigan, the recording equipment!
Gigan Rex: OH BALLS!
The two run inside a crashed Xilien ship and retrieve an old-timey movie camera and an iPhone (up-scaled for kaiju purposes).
Gigan Rex: You two can get back to fighting!
Monster X: Just don't take too long setting up the goddamn camera!
Uzi: Yo, Monstah X!
Monster X: wut
Serial Designation N: You mind if we break your ankles?
Monster X: wut
Uzi and N proceed to fly directly into Monster X's ankles, breaking them.
Monster X: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
Uzi: Mission accompli-
Monster X: Gigan! THE APPLEY JUICE! MY FUCKING ANKLES!
Gigan Rex throws a box of appley juice at Monster X, who proceeds to drink it all. By the power of appley juice, his ankles unbreak and he stands back up.
Uzi: OH COME ON!
Serial Designation N: Oh biscuits...
Monster X: Is regeneration unfair? Maybe, but-
Xilien commander: X, you're taking too long!
Monster X: Bite me!
Uzi: THAT'S MY LINE!
Xilien commander: Don't make us use the rail cannons!
Monster X: You know those hardly work.
As Monster X begins to sip another appley juice, J attempts to ambush him and cut his appley juice-holding hand off. At the same time, the Xiliens pull out a rail cannon and fire. The appley juice explodes, and a confused J flies through the haze within eyeshot of Monster X.
Monster X: My...my...
Gemstone Megalon: Uh, X?
Monster X: My...my...my fucking...
Gigan Rex: Oh balls...
Monster X: MY FUCKING APPLEY JUICE!
Monster X punches the ground with both hands, summoning a giant hurricane. He then begins to transform into Keizer Ghidorah, blowing the Xilien ship out of the sky with lightning.
Keizer Ghidorah: You can break my ankles, and you can sass my fucking ears off, BUT YOU DON'T FUCKING TOUCH MY APPLE JUICE!
Serial Designation V: What the hell is your malfunction!? We're not the- oh shit-
Keizer Ghidorah leaps into the air and absolutely freaking bodyslams V into the earth. Using his tails, he immediately blows J and Doll away too.
Uzi: YOU WANNA GO!?
Keizer Ghidorah: YES I FUCKING DO!
Uzi goes full Solver mode and hurls Keizer into the sky, before flying after him. N, scared out of his mind, goes to check if V is okay and not a bloody splatter on the ground.
Meanwhile...
Doll: Hello again.
Gigan Rex: Uh...hi...
Doll: Thanks for the pistol.
Gemstone Megalon: Which one?
Doll pulls out a pistol that says "pistol that does big damage". Gigan Rex frowns.
Gigan Rex: We were saving that for Palpatine's wedding.
Doll: Mine now.
Gemstone Megalon: Damn. :(
Meanwhile again...
N: You okay?
V: What does it look like?
N: Uh...yes?
V: NO I AM NOT FINE!
N: What do you think is happening up there?
V: Dunno. Looks intense.
Even meanwhiler again...
Uzi and Keizer: *in sync* ROCK PAPER SCISSORS SHOOT!
They both attempt to win, but they keep tying. This goes on for a ridiculous seven minutes.
Keizer Ghidorah: I hate this game!
Uzi: Agreed! And how are you flying without your wings.
Keizer Ghidorah: I'm not.
Keizer Ghidorah proceeds to plummet from the sky.
Uzi: Damm, looks like he's gonna destroy the island. WAIT MY FRIENDS and Doll and J ARE ON THAT ISLAND!
Uzi flings Keizer onto a smaller island before he can crash into and destroy the main island.
Keizer Ghidorah: Alright that's it, I'm tapping into my 2-C tier powerscaling feats.
Keizer Ghidorah uses his Antigravity Beams to shatter the seafloor into chunks along with the island. He then proceeds to begin ripping chunks of the island and the seafloor off and hurling them at Uzi.
Even more meanwhiler...
Gigan Rex: We need to get a new island.
Gemstone Megalon: Yeah, this one has cracks.
Doll: You can't just-
Gigan Rex and Gemstone Megalon, while still recording, proceed to fly off of and away from the island.
Doll: ебать.
V: This place is falling apart!
N: Let's get outta here!
Everyone, including Doll somehow, manages to safely evacuate the island before Keizer Ghidorah lifts all of what's left of it and hurls it at Uzi.
Keizer Ghidorah: Thank god. I hate those tiny things-
Uzi: Miss me?
Keizer Ghidorah: wut-
Uzi, N, and V proceed to uppercut Keizer's heads, then together they spike him into the small island, breaking it and sending it underwater.
Doll: We win?
J: We'd better have, because I swear to God if something stupid happens again, I'm going to-
The water begins to boil.
V: FOR THE LOVE OF ROBO-GOD-
Gigan Rex: We say for the love of Godzilla.
Uzi: That's stupid.
Gemstone Megalon: Well clearly you have never had your ass handed to you by Godzilla, so you wouldn't know.
Keizer Ghidorah rises from the water, spitting up large amounts of saltwater.
Uzi: Please di-
Keizer Ghidorah: I fucking surrender.
V: What?
N: What?
J: What?
Doll: I must have misheard you.
Uzi: Come again?
Keizer Ghidorah: I ain't doing this shit. I haven't even been paid for everything else I've done for those Xilien shits.
J: How many paychecks have they refused to give you?
Keizer Ghidorah: Let's see...they owe me $637,000.
J: I think you should quit.
Keizer Ghidorah: They promised to pay me...
J: They're not gonna pay you for doing this.
Keizer Ghidorah: ...
V: Wait, you're fucking serious?
N: Profanity!
Uzi: We- we won...because you weren't paid for anything?
Xilien commander: X, what the hell! Just capture them!
Keizer Ghidorah: Pay me!
Xilien commander: No.
N: Yo, noodles?
Keizer Ghidorah: wut
N: We'll only accept on one condition: you have to stop eating puppies.
The other four turn and stare at him, dumbfounded.
Keizer Ghidorah: I lied about that. They're not even worth opening my mouth(s) for.
N: Accepted :D
Keizer Ghidorah: Sure?
N: Yep :D
Keizer Ghidorah: Promise?
N: Definitely :D
Keizer Ghidorah: No takebacks?
N: Nosiree!
Keizer Ghidorah: Nice. Now I get to destroy this worthless rock and you guys can't take accepting my surrender back :D
Uzi: Watch it.
Keizer Ghidorah: Jesus fuck, no sense of humor.
Xilien commander: X, I repeat, do your fucking job!
Keizer Ghidorah: Hmmm...I don't think so.
Xilien commander: This is treason!
Keizer Ghidorah: Pay up, bitches.
Xilien commander: We refuse!
Keizer Ghidorah: Oh, that's how it's gonna be, huh?
Keizer, morphing back into Monster X, leaps up, grabs the ship, and throws it into the ground.
Monster X: Alright, listen here you freaking female weirdos. And N. I already live here, well, not here, over there *points to Monster Island*, which is not where you live, however, I have been asked by a Mechagodzilla named-
Uzi: Kiryu?
Monster X: How'd you know?
N: We escaped his house by crawling under the door!
V: There were words written next to our escape route but we can't read.
Monster X: . . . figures.
Uzi: w u t
Monster X: Well, I can speak to you guys telepathically, I just need to electrocute you with a specific frequency that has a very probable chance to make your heads explode.
Uzi: w u t-
He proceeds to electrocute all of them. Luckily, no one's head exploded, not even N's.
Monster X: Welp, that's over, I'ma go check on my bitches. Have fun with the Xiliens.
Monster X flies away.
Gigan Rex: Before we go too, can I have your autogra-
Uzi: *gasp* Mine!?
Gigan Rex: No-
N: *gasp* Mine!?
Gigan Rex: . . . No-
J: *le gasp* MINE!?
Gigan Rex: No, Doll's.
Doll: What do you need mine for?
Gigan Rex: You have knives :0
Doll: . . . fuck it.
Doll creates a knife with her name on it and chucks it straight into the gap between Rex's eyelid(?) and his visor.
Gigan Rex: Wow! It even actually hurts!
Gemstone Megalon: G'day all!
The two idiots pack up their trash and follow Monster X back to Monster Island.
.
.
.
Doll: Now how are we supposed to get off this isla- aaaand the rest of them are gone. Now what?
Kiryu: You stop hiding from me.
Before Doll can react, Kiryu grabs her and puts her in a (relatively) large jar.
Kiryu: Now, where are the "others"?
Doll: Idfk.
-
Episode 6 trilogy
-
Our faithful tale begineth on some random ass island in the Philiipines. Desghidorah, Cyn, and Shin Mefilas are relaxing on some beach, with the still flightless Des keeping Cyn shade with his pure bulk. A phone call alerts Des.
Desghidorah: Oh boy, I wonder who this could be! Hopefully my insurance agent.
He picks up Cyn, who becomes a t-posing Blender model of herself of the same size. Des then puts the relatively comically small Cyn up to the right head's non-existent ears.
Desghidorah: Hello? Hello?
Ultraman Belial: Are you, yes you, tired of being an irrelevant bumass with no life and one insignificant mortal friend?
Desghidorah: No.
Ultraman Belial: Want a fun exciting adventure to an island temple with a 66% chance of horrible painful death?
Desghidorah: Depends on who's dying.
Ultraman Belial: Want to be immortal?
Desghidorah: Already am.
Ultraman Belial: Want free drinks and the opportunity to massacre a nameless tribe whose culture persisted for centuries?
Desghidorah: F*CK YES!
Des sets Cyn down, causing her to revert back into a sentient and conscious being.
Cyn: What-
Desghidorah *pulling out very overstuffed suitcase* We're going on a trip, Cyn!
Shin Mefilas: Where?
Desghidorah: An island with an untouched island culture.
Shin Mefilas: Sounds fun, shame I can't go, me and my bois Neronga, Jirass, and Gomess gonna go bully Ultraman into submission in MarioKart DS later.
Desghidorah: Aright. C'mon, Cyn, off to hell we go!
Insert comically tiny transmission here
Ultraman Belial: I'm so glad you three could make it!
Legion: Kill me.
Skar King: I had nothing better to do.
Desghidorah: I was promised free drinks.
Ultraman Belial: Of course, this trip will be dangerous, so study this map well!
The Ultraman villain Ultraman Belial from Ultraman series about Ultraman from Ultraman series that also has Ultraman series Ultraman villain Ultraman Belial reveals...a blank white sheet of paper.
Desghidorah: Belial, I think that map is backwards.
Ultraman Belial: I can see it just fine!
Skar King: Bruh.
Legion: *stabbing her own face with a rubber duck on a stick* Kill me.
Ultraman Belial: Oh.
Desghidorah: YOU IMBEC-
Legion: When did this giant pirate boat get here?
Skar King: I ordered it off of Amazon.
Desghidorah: How the fuck did you do that?
Skar King: I ordered them to build me a pirate ship.
Ultraman Belial: To the island!
Our merry band of villains, as well as Legion's degenerate spawn and Skar King's legion of unpaid servants, board the ship U.S.S. Destined To Crash and set sail for an island awkwardly close to Monster Island and Island of Not Overly Notable Monsters.
Kong servant #1: yo bro let's prank that fool.
Kong servant #2: Yeah bro let's do it
Legion soldier #1: This move is of the big brainage
The fool in question...
Desghidorah: Dibs on the cargo hold!
Ultraman Belial: What for?
Desghidorah: I'ma go s l e e p
Skar King: YOU ARE NOT SLEEPING IN THE CARGO HOLD!
Desghidorah: >:(
Desghidorah walks down to the cannon deck, holding Cyn and his suitcase. A Legion soldier jumps out at him, holding a cutout of Mothra Leo from the Outrageous Flying Mothra manga. Desghidorah screams loud enough to obliterate the cannon deck entirely, and, along with Cyn, flies through the side of the ship and into the back side of the island, leaving a Desghidorah-shaped imprint in the rock. There is also a Cyn imprint, implying Cyn was equally as terrified.
Ultraman Belial: What the hell was that?
Kong soldier #3: Based on the funny smell, my guess was that two of my now-deceased comrades used a cutout of Outrageous Flying Mothra's main protagonist to terrify Desghidorah, causing him to obliterate the deck and fly into the island.
Ultraman Belial: Speak English, please.
Legion soldier #2: Our crewmates are fuckin' stupid, captain.
Ultraman Belial: Not surprised.
Skar King *from a higher deck* WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT!?
Ultraman Belial: YOUR IDIOT APES KNOCKED OUR CANNONS OUT!
Skar King: FUCK!
They land on the front side of the island. After some monkey business involving bananas, piracy, the crew fixing the deck, and Legion jumping overboard into the water to sneak into the temple from the side, Ultraman Belial's friend Skar King, the rest of the Legion soldiers, and Skar's apes stand at the front of a giant Aztec-style temple.
Ultraman Belial: Alright, crew! Don't break anything and try not to die! We come in peace!
Kong servant #4: Rrrright...
Kong servant #5: Yo bro some of them maidens were fine, I ain't riskin' this death trap 'cuz I already found my treasure.
Skar King: Anyone who deserts us is going to be fed to the cannibals!
Kong servant #6: Still worth the bitches?
Kong servant #5: Oh yeah-
Skar King: ALIVE.
Ultraman Belial: Onwards!
Legion sneaks into the center room, and finds the jewel.
Legion: Waow. Pretty.
Desghidorah's heads (and Cyn's) poke through the wall.
Desghidorah: Ey! What you doin'!
Legion: Staring at this rock. Wanna join?
Desghidorah: Yes!
Desghidorah and Cyn finish breaking the wall and join Legion in sitting down and blankly staring at the artifact, completely unaware of the powers it possesses.
Meanwhile...
After Scooby-Doo type shit, Ultraman Belial and his crew finally get to the last door.
Ultraman Belial: The artifact! Is behind this door!
Skar King: Break the door down!
The apes break the door down, and...see Legion and Desghidorah staring blankly at it as it lies on the floor.
Skar King: You two!
Legion: What?
Ultraman Belial: Hand us the rock!
Desghidorah: Why?
Ultraman Belial: We share it!
Desghidorah: I say finders-keepers.
Legion: I don't want it, you can have it.
Desghidorah: Thanks!
Skar King: Traitors!
Legion: Bitch we're all villains here, we all would've been in this situation.
Ultraman Belial: I trusted you!
Desghidorah: I'm taking this as proof of your false advertising!
Desghidorah runs outside, holding the gem. As he cackles, Cyn on his shoulders and suitcase on his tail, Kiryu comes in from nowhere and slams into Desghidorah, crushing the middle head's face against the ground.
Kiryu: Gimme Cyn!
Desghidorah left: No!
Desghidorah right: Guys?
Kiryu: GIMME!
Desghidorah left: NO!
Cyn: I'm scared :(
Desghidorah right: Guys.
Kiryu: GIMME!
Desghidorah right: GUYS!
Kiryu, Des left: WHAT!?
Desghidorah right: Is that giant fucking tsunami and the broken jewel normal?
The jewel had indeed shattered, and now Monster Island, this island, and that not overly notable island were flooded too. Desghidorah, Cyn, and most of the fragments are sucked away in the current, with Kiryu flying away as the wave slams into the landmass(es?). Skar King cuts his losses and goes back to the boat, while Legion stays underwater, completely fine. Ultraman Belial from Ultraman series about Ultraman from Ultraman series that also has Ultraman series Ultraman villain Ultraman Belial also runs back to his lair.
Desghidorah: So...you may be wondering why I'm here, on an iceberg with an emotionally stunted murder robot and some pirate's doubloons.
Chibi Mechagodzilla: No, I'm not.
Desghidorah: Well fuck you I'm telling you anyways.
Chibi Mechagodzilla: I'm only still here because my feet boosters don't have fuel and water will literally kill me.
Desghidorah: You see...it all started back when-
Chibi Mechagodzilla: KILL ME-HEE-HEE-EEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee *sob*
-nothing here-
Desghidorah: And that's how I got here, on this iceberg, in the middle of the ocean. Oh hey, we're sailing past Rodan's nest.
Chibi Mechagodzilla: How well do you think you can throw me?
Desghidorah: Why?
Chibi Mechagodzilla: I'll raid the nest and get supplies for us!
Cyn: Ooh. Yes pleaz, let's throw him. :3
Desghidorah: Here goes...
Desghidorah picks up and throws Chibi Mechagodzilla straight through one of the windows.
Desghidorah: Now all we do is wait :D
.
.
.
Desghidorah: ...Ahem.
He watches a Mothra larva swim past him in the water.
Desghidorah: Any minute now...
.
.
.
Desghidorah: Still waiting...
Cyn: He's not coming out, is he.
Desghidorah: F*ck, I should have seen this coming.
Cyn: Why did you censor yourself?
Desghidorah: I'm starting to censor my vowels s* that I can aff*rd s*me wings.
Cyn: How does that work-
Desghidorah: Would you rather carry me to dry land?
Cyn: Nuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu.
Desghidorah: Then shut up and don't think about it.
Cyn: Okie. I will instead think of that giant whirlpool that our iceberg is sailing into.
Desghidorah: Goo-wait WHAT
There is in fact a giant fucking whirlpool that their iceberg is sailing into. Desghidorah grabs the chest and Cyn, and holds them close.
Desghidorah: I can't swim, but I don't need oxygen to breathe.
Cyn: I will quite literally explode.
Desghidorah: Well, I can try to hold you in one of my mouths, but-
Cyn: I hope you like the taste of oil.
Like a gremlin, Cyn manages to worm out of Desghidorah's hand and scuttle into the left head's jaws, causing him to gag.
Desghidorah left: W-why *gag* would you *cough* *gag* do that!?
Desghidorah right: The aftertaste...no...I don't want this...
Desghidorah middle: Shut up! We're probably going to get dragged underwater anyways, so face it like a man! And I don't give a fuck how the gala dress's fabric tastes, we have bigger concerns!
As the iceberg begins to enter the whirlpool, Desghidorah is suddenly yoinked off of it along with the treasure chest and onto a wooden deck by...one of Skar King's ape servants.
Desghidorah: Why would you do that?
Kong servant #6: I'm not a dick. I'm just greedy. Cap'n's below deck ripping off Captain Gutt.
Desghidorah: That explains the accordion.
Meanwhile, below deck, Skar King was in fact ripping off Ice Age 4, harassing Titanus Behemoth, Machine G, and Titanosaurus instead of Manny, Sid, and Diego respectively.
Skar King: It's meeee~
Desghidorah: This is the gayest thing I've ever seen you do.
The entire crew of the U.S.S. Destined to Crash looks at Desghidorah, including the likes of Shimo, FW Rodan and Anguirus, Showa King Caesar, Megaguirus, and everyone's favorite Godzilla character: Maguma.
Shimo: Who?
Machine G: What?
Megaguirus: Where?
Titanosaurus: When?
EVA-08: Why?
Behemoth: How?
Desghidorah: So, you may be wondering how I got here...
Skar King: Don't you fucking dare-
Desghidorah: You see, it all started when...
Machine G: I wanna have a stroke :D
-nothing here-
Desghidorah: And that's how I got here.
Skar King: You didn't say anything!
Machine G: No, he was using the cutaway so that he could tell his long and boring story!
Behemoth: No, G, he didn't. Nothing happened.
Desghidorah: Clearly you weren't paying attention smh smh smh smh.
Machine G: Why four?
Desghidorah: My left head is choking.
Desghidorah left: *choking noises*
Titanosaurus: Choking on what?
Desghidorah right: Cyn.
Behemoth: Choking on his sins?
Desghidorah: No, Cyn.
Titanosaurus: If you mean syntax, you're not using it right.
Desghidorah: No. Her name is Cyn. C. Y. N. Cyn.
Everyone: ooooooooooohhhhhh.
Machine G: That's a pretty sad backstory, I hope you feel better.
Desghidorah: Thank you. At least someone was paying attention.
Behemoth: WHAT BACKSTORY!
Machine G: Well, you see...
-nothing here-
Machine G: ...and that's how he got here.
FW Anguirus: Just standing here is making me feel stupider.
Desghidorah: See? He understands!
Skar King: NEITHER OF YOU SAID ANYTHING!
Shimo: Let's kill Desghidorah for wasting our time!
Crew: *agrees*
Desghidorah: I see how it is. Machine G tried to tell you, and so did I.
Shimo: About what?
Desghidorah: *looks outside* Those giant fucking rocks we're destined to crash into.
Machine G: Just like the name of the ship!
Desghidorah runs up the stairs and past Kong servant #6, who was counting the doubloons. When the ape looks up, the entire pirate crew is chasing Des, or scrambling to not crash the U.S.S. Destined to Crash, but bro just closes his eyes and accepts fate as the ship crashes into the giant rocks. Desghidorah, who forgot he could swim, is swimming away from the wreckage. Cyn crawls out of his left head's throat.
Cyn: You lied to me >:(
Desghidorah: I genuinely forgot I could swim.
Cyn: You have no brain.
Desghidorah: Correction, I have three. They're in mint condition because I've never used any of them.
Cyn. Live laugh lobotomy.
Desghidorah: Like the corporation?
Cyn: What?
Desghidorah: Ya know, Lobotomy Corporation? Like the video game?
Cyn: What?
Desghidorah: Forget it. Look! Land!
Desghidorah swims faster, ending up at the crystal fortress of the Godzilla Clonez. Even from underwater, the work SpaceGodzilla did for the area was magnificent, the entire sea in the fortress appeared to glow because of the undersea crystals. Desghidorah blinks, before spotting an aggregate Destoroyah.
Desghidorah: You, Destro!
Destoroyah: What?
Desghidorah: Sorry for hiding on top of your house and all, but, uh, is there any dry land?
Destoroyah: Based on my findings, no.
Desghidorah: Pardon?
Destoroyah: As you know, I can split up into dozens of Aggregate Forms, right?
Desghidorah: OOOOOOOHHH, that's how you've been patrolling the water!
Destoroyah: Right.
Cyn: Funny rock is glowing.
Desghidorah: Cyn, get that gem fragment out of your mouth!
Destoroyah: That better not be that damn gem someone dropped and fucking flooded our continent-sized island with.
Desghidorah: It is.
Destoroyah: What-
Destoroyah: Kiryu made me drop it, I was being very careful with it, then Kiryu came along and stomped my middle head into the ground!
Destoroyah: Shouldn't have expected any less.
Destoroyah calls all his other scouts, and merges into the Maximum Impact incarnation of himself.
Desghidorah: Woah, sick look :0
Destoroyah: *sigh* I was trying to hibernate all this season, but the water woke me up. Normally, before the hibernation season and directly after, I eat up to three times this incarnation's body weight in food.
Desghidorah: Wow :0 no offense, but is that why your movie incarnation is so..ah...
Destoroyah: Bulky?
Desghidorah: Yeah. No offense.
Destoroyah: None taken. But yes, most of the year, I'm technically obese.
Desghidorah: I won't judge.
Destoroyah dives into the water and comes back up, holding several large chunks of the gem that broke.
Destoroyah: Orga said they were important, but he also doesn't understand magic. Since you know more about it than any of us Clonez, you should have them.
Desghidorah: Thanks!
Destoroyah: No problem. I aughta get back to my patrol, the humans are gonna start prying.
Desghidorah: Alright, I'll leave you to it!
Desghidorah grows his wings back.
Desghidorah: Wow!
Destoroyah: I never understood how you gain wings like that.
Desghidorah: My guess is that I have to undergo character growth before I earn them. Anyways, I'll leave you to it. Stay safe!
Destoroyah: Thanks!
*meanwhile*
Super Mechagodzilla: Yo, 74, status report!
Mechagodzilla '74: The Earth Defenders, Godzilla, Rodan, Mothra, and Anguirus of the Showa Era are nowhere to be found, though they might be elsewhere.
Super Mechagodzilla: What about the Aliens?
Mechagodzilla '74: Showa King Ghidorah, Showa Gigan, and Showa Megalon are partying on Planet X, both Hedorahs, Millennium Gigan, Monster X, Gigan Rex and Gemstone Megalon are on clean-up duty in the M Space Hunter Nebula.
Super Mechagodzilla: The Clonez?
Mechagodzilla '74: Destoroyah stayed behind to evaluate the damages, Biollante is chilling with King Caesar in Okinawa, SpaceGodzilla is unaccounted for, God knows where Orga is, and Kiryu is currently in court for unprovoked assault.
Moguera '56: Leave it to our "leader" to get fucking arrested before we can properly make a plan to fix this mess.
Moguera '94: Calm down. We're still more than capable ourselves. Besides, MGR-IInd and SMG-IInd have good news.
Super Mechagodzilla: Finally.
SMG-IInd: We found Machine G!
MGR-IInd: And a bunch of glowing rocks!
MGR-IInd empties out a purse containing a good portion of the gem fragments, meanwhile SMG-IInd coughs up a bit of sand.
Mechagodzilla '74: SMG-IInd, why the fuck were you eating sand?
SMG-IInd: I tripped :,<
Moguera '94: Jeebus, 74, give the dude a break!
MGR-IInd: Let's go break Kiryu out of prison.
Super Mechagodzilla: Nah, let's neg-diff the ocean.
Moguera '56: How tf!?
Moguera '94: You can't be serious...
Super Mechagodzilla: Let's just- wait where's Machine G?
SMG-IInd: We sent Mecha-King to go pick him up.
As if on cue, Mecha-King Ghidorah crashes through the roof, holding Machine G in the Machine Hand.
Machine G: Jesus, why the heck did you use the shock cables!?
Mecha-King Ghidorah: I can't straddle you or hold you in my necks!
Moguera '94: Is the fate of Monster Island seriously up to us???
Showa Jet Jaguar walks through the doorway, covered in scorch marks from that time he got his ass handed to him.
Mechagodzilla '74: Holy shit...
Moguera '56: It can't be!
Super Mechagodzilla: How the FUCK-
Moguera '94: We- we thought you were dead!
Jet Jaguar (in sign language): My death was...greatly exaggerated. And fucking bullshit, my IDW scaling no-diffs the MDverse.
SMG-IInd: Clearly not if you were beaten by a maid.
MGR-IInd: It's a leprechaun! Are there more of you?
Jet Jaguar: Trust me, I'm only here because the plot requires me to. You all suck.
Super Mechagodzilla: Feeling's mutual.
Super Mechagodzilla, while saying this, is trying to fuse the gem fragments together by squeezing really hard.
Moguera '56: Let me try!
Super Mechagodzilla: *smirk* okay.
Without any effort, Mogs, not MOGS, who is '94, proceeds to merge the fragments.
Mogs: Done.
MOGS: WHAT!?
SuperMecha: I CALL BULLSHIT!
Mecha74: Wha-
JJ: What the fuck-
Mogs: I'll never be plot relevant after this episode, let's do this.
Machine G grabs a shotgun and looks out over the water.
Machine G: You reckon those damn pirates are here?
Mogs: Have you always sounded like Sid the Sloth?
Machine G: Yes, I have. Got a problem?
Mogs: naur
Machine G jumps on a boat and prepares to row away, but then he sees the U.S.S. Already Crashed, Skar King's newer and much smaller ship. Filled with primal fury, Machine G promptly pulls an MG42 out of his non-existent rectum and begins firing on it.
MOGS: Brother what in the name of Jesus L. Smith are you tryna do
Machine G: Teach them a goddamn lesson for pantsing me that one time!
Mogs: How the hell did they pants a robot without pants?
Machine G: They took the plating off of my glorious goddamn thighs.
Macha74: The monsters!
MOGS: You may continue firing at the bastards.
As Machine G continues releasing bullet hell upon the Already Crashed, MOGS finds the last chunk of the gem.
MOGS: Aight, we found the gem's last piece!
Mogs: Heck yeah!
Machine G: Darn! There's still 13 good bullets in this thing!
MOGS: Just empty the gun, dude.
Mecha74: Yoy.
Machine G: Okay.
With the remaining 13 bullets, Machine G promptly sinks the Already Crashed.
Mecha74: Lmao
Mogs: I'm hoping Skar King is never relevant again.
MOGS: Let's just go back.
Meanwhile, federal prison...
Kiryu: Damn.
Tiamat: Fym "damn"!?
Kiryu: I wonder where my autism robots are.
Tiamat: That's your fucking first priority?
Kiryu: Yep.
Tiamat: Not the fucking island?
Kiryu: Nope.
Tiamat: It's because of you that the entire island is flooded!
Kiryu: Oh I'm not in here for that.
Tiamat: Bitch what
Kiryu: I'm here for making Desghidorah eat dirt "for no reason". Bitch stole my fucking whimsical robot.
Tiamat: WHY THE FUCK IS THAT THE THING YOU'RE HERE FOR!?
Kiryu: Believe me, I don't know either.
Kiryu looks out the window of the cell.
Kiryu: You're getting top bunk by the way.
Tiamat: what
Kiryu: I'm not explaining.
Tiamat: Dude, I am going to throw you through that goddamn window.
Kiryu: Do it, pussy, you won't.
Tiamat grabs Kiryu and throws him through the window, allowing him to escape federal prison.
Kiryu: Bye, bitch!
Tiamat: Wait no FUCK GET BACK HERE-
Kiryu blasts off, and pulls an old-timey telephone out of the chest space reserved normally for the Absolute Zero Cannon.
Kiryu: What up.
Supermech: Dude, arrested? Seriously?
Kiryu: He essentially kidnapped my fucking pet, what did you want me to do?
Supermech: Maybe not flood our goddamn island!
Kiryu: That was an unintentional side-effect that ironically I did not get jailed for.
Supermech: Bitch what
Kiryu: They arrested me for assault and battery. Where are you guys?
Supermech: We're on an island.
Kiryu: *sigh* I'm sorry for unintentionally flooding the island.
Supermech: Aaaaand...?
Kiryu: *heavy sigh* I'm baking the next batch of brownies for dessert night.
Supermech: You are officially forgiven. I'd recommend looking up from the telephone, you're about to crash right into it.
Kiryu: Wait what-
Kiryu promptly flies headfirst into the island, causing a huge explosion.
Kiryu: ow...my fucking everything...
Supermech: Welcome back, cap'n.
Kiryu: Hi, Super.
SMG-IInd: Kiryu-chan!
SMG-IInd and MGR-IInd attempt to awkwardly hug their captain.
Kiryu: The gesture is appreciated, but please get out of my face-
SMG-IInd: We heard you were in jail!
Kiryu: No lies detected.
MGR-IInd: Now all we need is to steal the gem fragments Desghidorah has and reassemble the gem!
Kiryu: That would be nice.
SMG-IInd: This filler content is getting boring. And boss, about Cyn...why not let Desghidorah keep her?
Kiryu: W H A T!?
SMG-IInd: Well, he has taken care of her quite well...you have four others to find anyways, and if Desghidorah keeps Cyn, then you know where one is so you can find the other four!
Kiryu: How did you know that I was missing five?
MGR-IInd: Well, six, but you found Doll in episode 5.
SMG-IInd: Take it from an expert pet owner.
Kiryu: You have pets?
SMG-IInd giggles and points at Mecha74, as well as Mogs.
Kiryu: I doubt they'd agree with that.
SMG-IInd: Shh...they don't know...
Kiryu turns around and sees Desghidorah flying towards them.
Kiryu: Speak of the devil.
Supermech: What is it, Kiryu?
Kiryu: Found that Des guy.
Supermech: WONDERFUL!
Desghidorah: You called?
Supermech: Uh, yes, have any of these glowing blue rocks?
Desghidorah: Bruh. You literally sent me this address and a "c'mon out bro we won't jump you" meme and now you're asking for the rock.
Cyn: Beep.
Kiryu begins quivering with rage.
Desghidorah: I have a better idea: Let's take it back to the island and fix this whole mess!
SMG-IInd: You can't do that! We outnumber you!
Desghidorah: From the looks of it, I collectively have more braincells.
SMG-IInd starts crying, and Mecha74 comforts him.
Mecha74: Look at that! You made him cry!
Desghidorah: It's a hobby. Yo, Kiryu, you good bro?
Kiryu is shaking so hard that every metal plate in his body is making a stuttered scraping sound.
MGR-IInd: Kiryu...
Kiryu: I'm going to fucking beat the living shit out of you unless you give me Cyn back.
MOGS: Kiryu, no. He's here diplomatically.
Kiryu cracks his neck, and MGR-IInd physically restraints him. Supermech casually lights a fake blunt, having swiped the gem fragments from Cyn somehow while they were distracted.
Desghidorah: Well, if the gem is incomplete, it's useless!
Supermech: Sure, buddy. You can go now.
Desghidorah: What
Mogs: Yeah dude, just leave if you have nothing to do here.
Desghidorah: Oh...Kay...?
In confusion, Desghidorah leaves, allowing Mogs to finish assembling the gem.
Supermech: Finally, the power of the gods!
Mecha74: Please don't tell me you were possessed this whole time by a dead ape king's vengeful ghost who wants to rule the ocean.
Supermech: No, I'm just really fucking high right now.
MGR-IInd: But the narrator said the blunt was fake!
Supermech: Yeah, it was. I replaced the tobacco with weed.
MOGS: Give me that!
MOGS snatches it from Supermech and begins turning it over.
MOGS: Does this thing have an instructions manual?
Mogs: Hope so.
Gemstone: Voice command activated. Password "does this thing have an instruction manual" is correct, please proceed.
SMG-IInd: That's a weird password.
MOGS: Uh...could you, like, unflood our island?
Gem: Please return this item to pedestal.
MOGS: Fuck.
Mogs: Let me do it, I'm fucking invincible.
Mecha74: What?
Mogs: What?
Mecha74: Fucking who?
Mogs: Really, dude? My last plot relevancy this season?
Mecha74: Sorry.
Mogs, being the invincible chad he is, takes the gem and goes back to the island. However, he is met by the Mother Legion.
Mogs: Stand aside, guardian crea-
Mother Legion: I can take it for you so you don't immediately fucking die once you stop holding it.
Mogs: Oh, really?
Mother Legion: Yep. I'm tired of these goddamn fish running into me while I'm underwater.
Mogs: If anyone asks, tell them it was me.
Mother Legion: I'm not even from the Godzilla franchise, I could care less about recognition.
Mogs: Wait, but you're considered a villain.
Mother Legion: That's because of Scorched Earth. We don't talk about that.
Mother Legion takes the gem and returns it to the pedestal, draining the island. The inhabitants look out of their shelters, relieved that the nightmare was over.
MOGS: We did it, we saved the island!
Kiryu: Uh, guys? What's that sign say?
SMG-IInd: Lemme go check.
Using his super speed, SMG-IInd zips down to the base of the mountain, and comes back up.
Kiryu: So?
SMG-IInd: You won't like it...
MOGS: What do you mean?
SMG-IInd: Follow me!
The excited mecha leads them to the mountain base, where all of them from MechWorks, including Machine G and Mecha-King Ghidorah who have depressingly been irrelevant this episode, and they all collectively facepalm.
The island they were on during the flood was the emergency drain. They all begin complaining about the inconvenience that they experienced for the sake of a 3-part special despite the solution being right there.
.
.
.
Eventually...
.
.
.
SpaceGodzilla: What the FUCK did I miss here?
-
Episode 9
-
Heisei Godzilla wakes up and yawns, before stretching. It's a sunny day, his house is clean for once, and Babygodzilla is with the Showa Mothra twins. Helping himself to some eggs and toast, he gets ready to start his day.
Heisei Godzilla: *yawn* Finally, a half-decent day. Maybe I'll go find a new book to read or a suitable bus to throw at the Queen of England when I decide to destroy London.
Titanosaurus: Mornin'!
Heisei Godzilla: Good morning.
Titanosaurus: Mind helping me get today's wares ready? These boxes are pretty heavy, and some help would be appreciated!
In a pleasant mood, Heisei Godzilla nods and walks with Titano over to the shore.
Titanosaurus: I would have Gabara, Chibi Gabara, and Chibi Titano help, but they had a camping trip with the other Chibis today. Thank you!
Heisei Godzilla: No problem.
He helps Titano move the boxes, but gets a splinter. Saying nothing, he walks away, and once around a corner, he pulls the splinter out.
Heisei Godzilla: Lousy crates.
Baragon: Goji! Over here!
Heisei Godzilla: What's up, Baragon?
Baragon: Me and Manda had an argument earlier...can you give this to him for me? It's an apology tuna.
Heisei Godzilla: *sigh...* Fine...
Baragon: Thank you!
As Heisei Godzilla steps out of the alleyway, tuna in hand, he sees Titanosaurus treating himself to a cone of ice cream. Suddenly, a group of teenaged Kamakuras delinquents slap the ice cream out of Titanosaurus' hands when they skateboard by, causing the poor dinosaur to begin crying. Heisei Godzilla, peeved at the lack of respect, holds out his tail and sweeps them all off of their skateboards. Sighing, he buys another ice cream cone.
Heisei Godzilla: Looking for this?
Titanosaurus: Goji...you didn't have to...
Heisei Godzilla: It's for you.
Titanosaurus accepts the ice cream and enjoys it as Heisei Godzilla walks away. But soon enough, the king runs into another problem.
Kong: Hey, Heisei G! Just the man I need!
Heisei Godzilla: What, Kong?
Kong: Me and Legendary Godzilla had a fight, but he won't accept any apologies! Can you stop by his place and tell him I'm sorry?
Heisei Godzilla: *internal screaming* Alright, will do.
Kong: Thanks!
Kong runs off, leaving Heisei Godzilla kinda frustrated. Breathing in, he reminds himself that today is going to be a good day, before continuing on. Along the way, he stops by MechWorks, where yet another kaiju in crisis finds him.
KIJU Type-0 G Breaker: Godzilla!
Heisei Godzilla: *eye twitch* Yes, Kiju?
Kiju: The boys asked me if I could ask you to help fix something with Mecha-King Ghidorah. He's having trouble breathing.
Heisei Godzilla: Lead the way.
Kiju shows him inside. Steam from the pipes gets in Heisei Godzilla's face, but he presses on, eventually reaching the others of MechWorks.
MOGS '94: Oh, hey!
Heisei Godzilla: What's the problem?
Mecha '74: He stopped breathing and suddenly collapsed!
Heisei Godzilla: I see.
Mecha '21: We tried jumpstarting the life-support, but that didn't work. We need some other way to-
Heisei Godzilla leaps up and elbow-drops Mecha-King Ghidorah in the gut, causing the wyvern to suddenly gasp for air.
Mecha '21: What-
Heisei Godzilla: He's breathing, is he not?
Mecha '74: . . . Uh...thanks?
Heisei Godzilla: No problem.
He walks out, leaving all of MechWorks confused. Along his path to Manda's Bay, Heisei Mothra stops him.
Heisei Mothra: Goji!
Heisei Godzilla: *under breath* thenextpersontoaskmeafavorisgettingdecapitated *normally* Heya! Just on my way to give Manda Baragon's apology tuna.
Heisei Mothra: Aw! Oh, um, my larvae need a babysitter, and Leo's out of town. Mind watching them for me?
Heisei Godzilla: *strained* Yes, Mothra, I can.
Heisei Mothra: Thanks!
She flies away, and Heisei Godzilla sighs. To his detriment, those won't be the last requests people ask him to do today...
Heisei Godzilla dives into Manda's Bay and knocks on his door.
Manda: Oh, hey Goji!
Heisei Godzilla: Baragon asked me to give you this. *hands Manda the tuna* It's an apology tuna.
Manda: Thanks, but tell him I don't like yellowfin tuna.
Heisei Godzilla: *in head* I. Am going. to FUCKING KILL. EVERYONE I KNOW.
Manda: You okay?
Heisei Godzilla: *through gritted teeth* Yes, I'm fine. He wanted you to have it though.
Manda: Alright, I suppose...
Manda takes the tuna and slams the door on Heisei Godzilla rudely.
Heisei Godzilla: Jesus Christ...
Tiamat: Good morning, Goji!
Heisei Godzilla: *quietly beginning to cry* Yes, Tiamat?
Tiamat: If you're on your way to the Mothras' house, could you please pick Lahamu up on the way?
Heisei Godzilla: Suuuuuuuureee....
He swims away, towards the giant bundle of silk atop a beautiful cheery grove mountain. Along the way, he stops by Legendary's house.
Heisei: Wassup?
Legendary: It's rare to see you around here. What's up?
Heisei: Kong asked me to let you know that he's sorry for the fight earlier...
Legendary: Fight? Dude, he tried to take my wallet!
Heisei: Don't get mad at me, I'm the messenger. Good day to you too, sir.
Heisei Godzilla angrily tromps off, emitting steam from his nostrils. Legendary rolls his eyes and leaves his house to go fight Kong. Along the way, Heisei Godzilla picks Lahamu up from the camp and releases her into the water for Tiamat, before continuing onwards. He strolls up to the Cocoon and rings the doorbell.
TYD-KG: Hello!
Heisei Godzilla: Mothra '92 asked me to babysit the kids.
TYD-KG: She did? I told her not to, me and Bara '01 got it! Well, thanks for stopping by anyways, want a muffin?
Heisei Godzilla: *in head* How bad can a muffin be? *out loud* Sure.
GMK Baragon: Here you go!
Heisei Godzilla grabs a muffin and bites into it, pleasantly surprised. Maybe his day wasn't going to be so bad after all.
Heisei Godzilla: Thanks! Have a good day!
He walks away, back down to the main plaza of Monster Island. Here, he's suddenly bombarded by eager kaiju who've heard about how he takes favors.
MonsterVerse Rodan: Help me fry some steaks for tomorrow night's Festival of the Moths?
Ebirah: Help clearing out the west bay of human battleships?
MFS-3 Kiryu: Help find my missing murder drones?
Showa Megalon: Set up some decorations for Halloween?
Crustaceous Rex: Watch my fishing rod for me?
Heisei Godzilla, being a nice person, takes time out of his day to help everyone out. His back aches, he's breathless, some humans shot him with harpoons that REALLY hurt, and his throat is sore from the grill. Hoping to avoid any more meaningless tasks, he shortcuts through the crystalline fortress built by his own former worst enemies: the Godzilla Clonez. Hearing music playing, he walks further in, and winds up on the edge of Biollante's garden.
Heisei Godzilla: *breathless* Oh thank god...
???: Who are you?
A Destoroyah juvenile scuttles out from under the flowers.
Destoroyah: Oh, it's you.
Heisei Godzilla: Mind if I crash here awhile? My everything is killing me.
Destoroyah: Sure. We have beanbags in the house. Just don't step on any flowers.
Heisei Godzilla: *lying across beanbags, quietly crying to himself* Ugh...
Orga: Oh hey, wassup?
Heisei Godzilla: I want to die.
Orga: Oh, why?
Heisei Godzilla: The entire island is exploiting my now-deceased good mood.
Orga: Oh. Poor guy. You're welcome to stay as long as you like...
Heisei Godzilla: Thanks...
Kiryu: Oh, hey again! Yeah, I was gonna ask, but...I'll just...let you be...
Destoroyah (flying form): Want any snacks?
Heisei Godzilla: Have any seafood?
Destoroyah: We have salmon.
Heisei Godzilla: That'll do.
As he eats, SpaceGodzilla and Monster X appear. Both of them see everyone else sitting with Heisei Godzilla, so they sit down. Biollante is the last to show up, arriving from Okinawa.
Biollante: Why's Goji here?
Monster X: Dude's having a rough day.
Heisei Godzilla: Wait, X, why are you here instead of the Aliens?
Monster X: Well, I broke into their house, did their dishes, made them lunch, and hid in their basement. I also pay for the groceries and help with...ah...
He points at the jar Doll is in.
Monster X: Drone management.
SpaceGodzilla: Uh, Goji, what direction is your house in?
Heisei Godzilla: Why?
SpaceGodzilla: I see smoke.
Biollante: That's not a good sign.
Heisei Godzilla: *suddenly serious and not quietly crying* What direction is the smoke in?
SpaceGodzilla: To the southwest.
Heisei Godzilla rolls off of the beanbags, charges up his dorsal plates, and launches through the wall with a flying dropkick.
Heisei Godzilla: Sorry about the house! Thanks for letting me stay!
Kiryu: . . .
Biollante: . . .
SpaceGodzilla: . . .
Destoroyah: . . .
Orga: . . .
Monster X: . . .
SpaceGodzilla: I should go check on him.
Monster X: Good luck. Probably should have told Goji I saw a drone on his back.
Kiryu: *dead serious* Which one.
Monster X: The one with ponytails.
Kiryu flies after SpaceGodzilla and Heisei Godzilla.
Heisei Godzilla storms in to find his house being destroyed by the rambunctious Legendary Godzilla and Kong, while Baragon, MonsterVerse Mothra, Titanosaurus, and Manda try to fix it. Absolutely furious, Heisei Godzilla roars loud enough to cause the entire continent-sized island to shake.
Heisei Godzilla: WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING TO MY HOUSE!?
Kong: Uh...listen...
Heisei Godzilla: I've fucking had it with everyone today! I'm sick of it!
He points at Legendary Godzilla and Kong.
Heisei Godzilla: You two need to fucking learn how to respect each other's boundaries! And you two!
He points at Baragon and Manda.
Heisei Godzilla: Bargaon, you need to learn about Manda's preferences, don't just blindly hand him fish! And Manda! You need to stop being such a picky little bitch about what species of fish someone gives you as an apology!
Heisei Godzilla punches SpaceGodzilla in the face for no reason, knocking him over, then continues.
Heisei Godzilla: Mothra, you need to learn listening skills!
MonsterVerse Mothra: Me, or...
Heisei Godzilla: The one with kids! And Titanosaurus-
He stops, and takes a deep breath.
Heisei Godzilla: You're fine. And Space, sorry I punched you, but I'm absolutely mad rn, please just stay on the floor while I clean my house.
SpaceGodzilla: *weakly* Ow, no, yeah, I get that...
Heisei Godzilla shoos everyone except SpaceGodzilla away, before grumbling to himself about his ruined day. Once he's done, he helps SpaceGodzilla up and walks his older brother back to the Clonez.
Heisei Godzilla: Need an ice pack or anything?
SpaceGodzilla: Nah, it's fine.
Monster X picks Serial Designation J off of Heisei Godzilla's back and puts her in the jar with Doll. Smirking, he drops on all fours and scuttles away to the basement, to Heisei Godzilla's confusion.
Heisei Godzilla: Seriously, what's his deal?
SpaceGodzilla: Still dunno, but he and I teamed up in an IDW comic once.
Biollante: Oh hey! You're back! Want some tea?
Heisei Godzilla: Sure.
He takes a sip. Iced chai latte, his favorite.
Heisei Godzilla: Want me to help fix that wall?
Orga: No, it's fine. Thanks for asking though. Me, my trusty Millennian ship, Space, and Bio will have that hole patched in no time! Luckily, nothing important was broken.
Destoroyah: We don't see you often, why don't you head back to the beanbags and tell us about your day?
Heisei Godzilla: *sitting down on the beanbags* Well, it all began when I woke up this morning...
The camera pans out, and zooms over to Godzilla Amphibia.
Godzilla Amphiba: How...their unwillingness to take back Monster Island from Ultraman Belial saved Heisei Godzilla's life...More research must be done!
As he slips away, Heisei Godzilla tells the Clonez about his day. They listen, interested. Eventually, after helping them patch the hole in the wall, Heisei Godzilla bids them farewell and heads back to his own house. Maybe today wasn't so bad after all.