@Savage Almond @Interstellar Voyager @Friendly Kelbeam of the Hood @TitanoReborn @Ganimes @TotallyNotDeltadromeus445-2 @Man with no name or life @Ankysareawesome @ZeldaPro97 @EpicThoradolosaur7782 @LynxSoott @Naganadel King of the Stars @BaryonyxLover9870 @Shieldon.BAH
(Merry Christmas gamers, my present to you is this episode, which I think is the best out of this whole season, it starts off slow but really picks up by the end)
The night of the previous episode, the Koolasuchuses are walking through the Tangahoe Formation, searching for a place to set up camp.
Koolasuchus: Can’t believe I missed this place. Look at all the bloodshed.
Young Koolasuchus: Erm, what the Schizophrenia soldier???
Koolasuchus: Bruh the brainrot is crazy 💀
???: WAIT UP!!!
The Koolasuchuses turn around to see Doodoosniff running up to them. Once he reaches them, he stops to catch his breath.
Koolasuchus: How’d your gravedigging activities go?
Doodoosniff: Fine. Have you found a place to set up camp for the night?
Koolasuchus: Not yet, though I see a hill in front of us that isn’t covered in blood.
Young Koolasuchus: Blood? I thought this red stuff was ketchup!
Koolasuchus: No it isn’t, just like how the white stuff I put in your mother wasn’t milk.
Young Koolasuchus: Yo you’re my dad?!
Koolasuchus: No lmao, you’re still fatherless. (But as such, so am I.)
Young Koolasuchus: Aw. Anyway, why isn’t the blood real red?
Koolasuchus: You’re morbid, kid.
Young Koolasuchus: What’s “morbid”? I am not!
Doodoosniff: If you two are done, we should go up the hill.
They run up that hill (no way guys I said the thing again!!!!) and set up camp at the top. Afterwards, they sit around a fire they made somehow.
Doodoosniff: Why don’t I make you guys drinks?
Koolasuchus: Nah, I don’t wanna drink blood that’s a few months old.
Doodoosniff: I didn’t mean the blood! I brought some water for mine and Quandalano’s mission, in case it were to last longer than anticipated.
Young Koolasuchus: Mister, I don’t wanna drink your weird cult water! What if it has the bubonic plague in it?!
Doodoosniff: As far as I’m aware, it’s normal water. (For me, at least.)
Koolasuchus: Alright, we’ll trust you not to put anything weird in the water.
Doodoosniff pulls a container full of water up his ass (don’t ask how it survived Darth Falcarius butchering Doodoosniff in Episode 8). He starts preparing it for consumption, but secretly pulls out a small bottle of Grimace Shake.
Doodoosniff: By the way, what’s your power in Rise of Kingdoms?
Koolasuchus:...What?
Doodoosniff: What’s your power in–
Koolasuchus: I know what you said, that’s just…why do you want to know that?
Doodoosniff: Because I wanna be friends with you, and friends always tell each other their power in the hit 2018 mobile strategy game Rise of Kingdoms!
Koolasuchus: That is a good point. My power is 43 million!
Doodoosniff: (Perfect. It’s far below 80 million, and that means the kid also has less!) Intriguing. My power is 80,000,001!
Koolasuchus: That’s awfully convenient in case you accidentally drank a Grimace Shake.
Doodoosniff: (Wait, he knows how Grimace Shakes work?! Shit, let’s hope he doesn’t find me out.) Ha, I suppose it is.
Doodoosniff starts pouring Grimace Shake in the water (whatcha gonna do when there’s Grimace Shake in the water 🔥🔥) when he feels a sudden breeze. He ignores it and finishes preparing the water, and he gives it to his soon-to-be victims. They sit around the fire and start talking to each other.
Doodoosniff: So Koolasuchus, how long do you have to stay in the Warzone?
Koolasuchus: I need to wait until the war ends, but I don’t have to stay here. I have a device on me that can create a portal back to base whenever I want.
Doodoosniff: Based.
Koolasuchus: Also, I thought I’d ask, what drove you to join the Microraptor Cult?
Doodoosniff:...It’s a long story.
Koolasuchus: I’m willing to hear it.
Doodoosniff: Aight.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z_O5zMi_oWo
The Great Birb Desolation of ‘69: Season 2B - Opening - “When Small John Comes Marching Home”YouTube
~~~~~
We cut to a flashback, in a peaceful island village somewhere on Ecin (the second terrestrial planet, which is right next to Tyrantia, and yes its name is just Nice backwards). We see a younger Doodoosniff in one of the houses, alongside his adopted mother, Darlene Jones Anuslicker I, and his adopted brother, Dingledong Bockzadale Bittleton Jr. He has been living with them since he was a hatchling, after his real parents were killed in an attack on the kingdom they lived in. Darlene had found him and Dingledong (whose parents were also killed in the attack) and took them in as her own. Oh and they’re all Saurornitholestes in case you forgor.
Doodoosniff is running home with a book, having stolen it from a nearby library. Darlene’s job in the village gave her minimum wage (kinda like Larry the Lophostropheus), so she couldn’t afford to buy any books. Doodoosniff reaches home, but is confronted by Darlene.
Darlene: Yo Doodoosniff! Where’d you get that book?
Doodoosniff: I stole it lmao
Darlene:
Doodoosniff: Before you judge me, let me show you something.
Doodoosniff takes Darlene to his room and shows her a large map of Ecin. It’s unfinished aside from their island, but it’s surprisingly detailed.
Darlene: You…you actually MADE this?
Doodoosniff: Yep. I want to make a map of the entire planet! Maybe even the star system our planet is in!
Darlene: You’re very ambitious, my child. I don’t like that you’re stealing books and shit, but I think, in time, you could very well put together a map of the whole star system!
Doodoosniff: R-Really?!
Darlene: Really!
A few years later, the minimum wage at Darlene’s job dropped immensely, which led to Doodoosniff having to wear Dingledong’s old clothes (oh yeah dinosaurs in this village wear clothes, even the feathered ones). One night, he was given an old shirt Dingledong once wore, but he had had enough.
Doodoosniff: This is stupid! Why do I have to wear Dingledong’s shitty ass fit?!
Dingledong: Yo wtf did you say about my fit?!
Doodoosniff: You heard me! Your Jordans are fake!
Darlene: Children, stop arguing!
Doodoosniff: You know what, Dingledong?
Dingledong: Yeah?!
Doodoosniff: You aren’t my real brother!
After hearing this, Darlene ran Doodoosniff’s fade 🔥🔥🔥.
Darlene: You do NOT say that about your brother!
Doodoosniff: He…he’s not my damn brother! And you’re not my FUCKING MOTHER!
Darlene: *le gasp* You take that back!
Doodoosniff: I’M NOT TAKING JACK SHIT BACK!!! I’d be better off with a rich family!
Darlene: Then get the fuck out of here and find one, if you really mean what you say!
Doodoosniff: I will!
Doodoosniff then ran away from home. After cooling off, he decided that it was best to just go back and apologize. He then encountered Dingledong, who had gone out looking for him.
Dingledong: Hey, brother. Glad I found you.
Doodoosniff: Dingledong…I–I’m–
He was interrupted when a portal suddenly appeared near them. Out stepped the Microraptor Cult, led by the Cult Leader, wearing his modified Microraptor skull.
Dingledong: C’mon, we gotta hide!
Doodoosniff: Where?
Dingledong: Up that tree!
They climbed up a nearby tree and watched the Microraptor Cult enter the village.
Microraptor Cult Leader: Attention, inferior citizens of this puny village! We are servants of Him, the holy Micro Raptor, and we have come to liberate you all!
Random Citizen: “Micro Raptor”? Are you guys crackheads or sum–
Upon hearing the word “crackheads”, the Microraptor Cult Leader instantly pounced on the civilian and mauled him to death.
Microraptor Cult Leader: If you refuse liberation, such a fate shall befall you! Bring out your wives, your children, and your valuables as payment for our protection!
The Microraptor Cult instantly began collecting payment, and slaughtering any villagers who declined or didn’t have what was asked of them. He and the other cultists had ruthlessly murdered about 16 unnamed villagers by the end of their tax collecting activities.
Dingledong: We gotta help Darlene!
Doodoosniff: But…but we’ll be taken away by those crackheads!
Dingledong: I know, but it’s either that or she dies! Do you want that?!
Doodoosniff:...No…
Dingledong: Then come on!
They run back home and reunite with Darlene.
Darlene: Thank Nigersaurus you’re OK!
Dingledong: We can’t let those cultists kill you, Mom. We’re gonna turn ourselves in.
Darlene: WHAT?! No, you can’t do that! I won’t let–
The door slams open, and two Microraptor Cultists enter.
Microraptor Cultist #1: Give us your children!
Microraptor Cultist #2: Bruh you don’t have to be so blunt about it
Microraptor Cultist #1: Shut up Benjamin Minecraft, I can do whatever I want!
Benjamin Minecraft: Oh, Quandalano, you silly goose.
Dingledong: Bruh why’d you both say your names?
Quandalano: Doesn’t matter. You and your brother are gonna have to come with u–
Darlene: No.
The two cultists look over at Darlene, who stands in front of her two adopted children.
Benjamin Minecraft: Lady, do you really want to do this?
Darlene: Yes. You’re not laying a finger on my children!
Quandalano: Someone should’ve told that to Dr Disrespect lmao
Benjamin Minecraft: Dr Kidsinspect
Quandalano: You stole that from someone else, didn’t you?
Benjamin Minecraft: Yeah, I did.
Darlene: What the fuck are you two talking about now?
Quandalano: Nothing. Anyway, shall we kill her, Benjamin Minecraft?
Benjamin Minecraft: Sure.
They both charge at Darlene, but she right hooks Benjamin in the face and kicks Quandalano in the gut, knocking them both out cold.
Darlene: I told you before, you’re not gonna get my kids!
???: Are you two really struggling against HER?
The Microraptor Cult Leader walks in.
Microraptor Cult Leader: You impress me, inferior being, for defeating two of my subordinates. If you’re this powerful, surely your offspring are even more so.
Darlene: They aren’t my offspring, but they are still MY CHILDREN! I will not let you have them!
Microraptor Cult Leader: You won’t…let me? As if you have a choice in the matter?
The Microraptor Cult Leader pulls out his signature weapon, the Lifeburger.
Microraptor Cult Leader: Die with your pathetic love, inferior one.
The Cult Leader charges at Darlene and swings the Lifeburger at her. In an instant, she falls to the ground, dead.
Doodoosniff: NOOOOOOO!!!
Dingledong: MOOOOOM!!! HOW COULD YOU?!?!
Microraptor Cult Leader: Now, are you two prepared to join our cause?
Doodoosniff: No!
Microraptor Cult Leader: What do you mean “no”?
Doodoosniff: Haven’t you done enough?! You invaded our village, killed so many people…even my mother…
Microraptor Cult Leader: Indeed, isn’t it incredible how powerful one can be when connected to the holy Micro Raptor? Now both of you, come with me.
Doodoosniff: NO! Don’t take him. You can take me, but not him.
Dingledong: Wait, NO! Doodoosniff, don’t!
Microraptor Cult Leader: Why shouldn’t I simply take you both?
Doodoosniff: Because I can do more than just fight like the rest of your cultists. I can navigate.
Doodoosniff shows the Cult Leader his map of the island.
Microraptor Cult Leader: Interesting…such detail…I’m impressed. Maybe I’ll take you up on your offer.
Doodoosniff: Ok. And one more thing.
Microraptor Cult Leader: What? Don’t push your luck, child.
Doodoosniff: Say I collect enough social credits, then I can buy back my village.
Microraptor Cult Leader: Social credits? You’d need like 100 million of those to sway me, child.
Doodoosniff: 100 million? I’ll pay for it.
Microraptor Cult Leader: On the holy Micro Raptor?!
Doodoosniff: On the holy Micro Raptor or whatever.
Microraptor Cult Leader: Alright. Come, young one.
The cult leader picks up the unconscious bodies of Benjamin Minecraft and Quandalano and heads out the door. Doodoosniff is about to follow, but is interrupted by Dingledong.
Dingledong: Doodoosniff! Please, don’t do this.
Doodoosniff: You have to believe in me, brother. I’ll get those 100 million social credits, and I’ll free you. I’ll free them all!
He walks out of the house, leaving Dingledong alone with the corpse of Darlene.
~~~~~
Doodoosniff: Once I officially joined, the leader made me take a strange pill that made me forget about my hatred, my goals…until now. I’ve gathered almost enough money during that time, but now that I remember why I have it, I WILL free my village.
Koolasuchus: Bruh that whole backstory was just a big One Penis reference–
Doodoosniff: Give me your money.
Koolasuchus:...
Doodoosniff: Give me your money.
Koolasuchus: I got a better idea. Why don’t we find a way to defeat the Microraptor Cult?
Doodoosniff: Guh?
Koolasuchus: The organization I’m a part of has been working day and night to eliminate all threats to Tyrantia, and one of those threats is the cult.
Doodoosniff: The New World Order? The government doesn’t do shit against real threats.
Koolasuchus: Well, I’m sure we can save your village without having to pay that ransom!
Doodoosniff: Yeah…sure…
Young Koolasuchus (who was too busy watching Skibidi Toilet on an iPad he pulled out of his ass to pay any attention to the conversation) looks up.
Young Koolasuchus: Hey, mister Doodoosniff! You said you wanted to know my power in Rise of Kingdoms, right?
Doodoosniff: Indeed.
They each take a sip of their Grimace Shake-spiked water.
Young Koolasuchus: It’s–
Suddenly they all start spazzing out and fall through the ground. They fall through the void, and end up landing in a game of Copter Royale, where they finally regain their senses.
Doodoosniff: WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING?!
Koolasuchus: NAH BRO WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU PUT IN THAT WATER?!
Young Koolasuchus: Mister…what are those two weird helicopters doing?
Koolasuchus: What do you me–OH MY GOD!
He and Doodoosniff look at what Young Koolasuchus is looking at, only to find a most horrific sight: Two surprisingly futuristic looking helicopters engaging in nefarious activities that Young Koolasuchus is too young to understand.
Koolasuchus: AVERT YOUR EYES, KID!
Young Koolasuchus: Aw, man!
Doodoosniff: Damn, those copters got me actin’ up 🥵
Suddenly, a large, shit-colored tentacle grabs them and drags them far below the game. It stops them in Doodoosniff’s childhood home.
Doodoosniff: Wait, why did we stop here?
Koolasuchus: What’s this thing on the floor?
He picks it up, and it’s revealed to be a DVD with something written on it.
Koolasuchus: “I Was Reincarnated To The World Of One Piece And Must Defeat The World Government By Messaging Minors Or I Will Be Cursed To Watch Brainrot For Eternity”? What the fuck does that mean?!
Young Koolasuchus: Ehrm, I do believe it’s called an “isekai”.
Koolasuchus: (Wait, was this back when I was in my fucking anime phase?! Goddamnit.) Oh…let’s burn it.
Young Koolasuchus: Wait, no, I wanna watch it!
Doodoosniff: I got this.
Doodoosniff grabs the DVD and breaks it into 20,000 pieces.
Koolasuchus: Weird how that’s two separate One Piece references in one episode when we never–
Suddenly, the tentacle erupts from the ground, grabs them once more and continues to drag them into the depths of the unknown. After what seems like an eternity, they land in a grassy plain.
Koolasuchus: Where…where are we now?
Doodoosniff: Are we…back in the Warzone?
Young Koolasuchus: Wait, THAT’S what this place is called?
???: Y̷o̸u̶ ̶a̴r̵e̶ ̵i̷n̸ ̸n̶o̷ ̴W̶a̶r̷z̷o̵n̴e̴.̴ ̴
The trio turns around, only to see the S̸̢̧̧̛̥̩̫̜̺̬͇̳̼̀͊̌̏̆͛͒̊̔̿h̷̲̱̙̖̼̖͔͆̓̃̀̌̄̓̕͘͝a̵̢̛̮͔̜̠͛̈́̌̄̄͂͌̆̉̓̀̚͘͝r̶̝͍̠̖̱̤͆̐̇̿̅͌̓͛̓̔̒͋͐͋͜͝t̵̢̹͕̟̭̖͒͝m̷̛̩͔̟̭͚͙̏͆̆̓̎̒͑̓̍͆͗͑̀͝ͅȁ̶̡̡͕͕͇̯̙̥͕̘̣̗̮̩̋̊̿͆̌͗́̓͋͋̌̕̕͝n̶̜̼͔̪̞̩̻͓̜̹̳̭̗̠͇̈́̋̈́͗̉̍͑͑̿͋̕͝͝ staring at them.
Everyone: WHAT THE FUCK
S̸̢̧̧̛̥̩̫̜̺̬͇̳̼̀͊̌̏̆͛͒̊̔̿h̷̲̱̙̖̼̖͔͆̓̃̀̌̄̓̕͘͝a̵̢̛̮͔̜̠͛̈́̌̄̄͂͌̆̉̓̀̚͘͝r̶̝͍̠̖̱̤͆̐̇̿̅͌̓͛̓̔̒͋͐͋͜͝t̵̢̹͕̟̭̖͒͝m̷̛̩͔̟̭͚͙̏͆̆̓̎̒͑̓̍͆͗͑̀͝ͅȁ̶̡̡͕͕͇̯̙̥͕̘̣̗̮̩̋̊̿͆̌͗́̓͋͋̌̕̕͝n̶̜̼͔̪̞̩̻͓̜̹̳̭̗̠͇̈́̋̈́͗̉̍͑͑̿͋̕͝͝: W̶e̵l̶c̸o̷m̸e̵ ̵t̷o̷ ̶t̶h̸e̶ ̶I̸n̶f̷i̶n̷i̷t̵e̴ ̷P̶l̵a̸i̸n̴.̵ ̵I̴t̸ ̷s̸h̵a̶l̴l̸ ̶b̴e̴ ̵a̷ ̴r̸e̶a̴l̸i̵t̵y̷ ̶s̸o̷o̷n̴ ̸e̴n̶o̸u̴g̷h̴.̵
The trio screams and runs away from the entity. As they run, they realize that they’re running faster and faster. But they aren’t speeding up—Koolasuchus looks at the others and realizes that they’re all rapidly aging as they run. As a matter of fact, time itself has sped up.
S̸̢̧̧̛̥̩̫̜̺̬͇̳̼̀͊̌̏̆͛͒̊̔̿h̷̲̱̙̖̼̖͔͆̓̃̀̌̄̓̕͘͝a̵̢̛̮͔̜̠͛̈́̌̄̄͂͌̆̉̓̀̚͘͝r̶̝͍̠̖̱̤͆̐̇̿̅͌̓͛̓̔̒͋͐͋͜͝t̵̢̹͕̟̭̖͒͝m̷̛̩͔̟̭͚͙̏͆̆̓̎̒͑̓̍͆͗͑̀͝ͅȁ̶̡̡͕͕͇̯̙̥͕̘̣̗̮̩̋̊̿͆̌͗́̓͋͋̌̕̕͝n̶̜̼͔̪̞̩̻͓̜̹̳̭̗̠͇̈́̋̈́͗̉̍͑͑̿͋̕͝͝: F̸e̷a̸r̷ ̴n̸o̸t̴,̴ ̸f̴o̶r̸ ̵t̷h̷i̶s̴ ̷c̸h̸a̷n̸g̵e̵ ̸i̸n̵ ̷t̷h̵e̴ ̷f̶l̵o̷w̸ ̶o̶f̶ ̴t̴i̵m̶e̷ ̵w̸a̷s̶ ̸m̴y̷ ̷d̸o̴i̶n̴g̴.̴ ̴I̸t̶ ̵i̶s̶ ̶s̸i̵m̶p̴l̴y̶ ̴t̶o̸ ̸s̷h̴o̶w̶ ̷t̵h̸e̸ ̴t̸r̶u̴e̴ ̷m̸e̶a̴n̶i̸n̴g̶ ̶o̴f̷ ̸"̵i̸n̵f̸i̶n̴i̵t̵e̵"̷.̴ ̷
The trio finds themselves slowing down, to the point where they’re weakly crawling on their knees, desperate for an end.
S̸̢̧̧̛̥̩̫̜̺̬͇̳̼̀͊̌̏̆͛͒̊̔̿h̷̲̱̙̖̼̖͔͆̓̃̀̌̄̓̕͘͝a̵̢̛̮͔̜̠͛̈́̌̄̄͂͌̆̉̓̀̚͘͝r̶̝͍̠̖̱̤͆̐̇̿̅͌̓͛̓̔̒͋͐͋͜͝t̵̢̹͕̟̭̖͒͝m̷̛̩͔̟̭͚͙̏͆̆̓̎̒͑̓̍͆͗͑̀͝ͅȁ̶̡̡͕͕͇̯̙̥͕̘̣̗̮̩̋̊̿͆̌͗́̓͋͋̌̕̕͝n̶̜̼͔̪̞̩̻͓̜̹̳̭̗̠͇̈́̋̈́͗̉̍͑͑̿͋̕͝͝: I̷s̸ ̷i̸t̴ ̵n̵o̶t̸ ̶g̷l̵o̸r̵i̶o̶u̵s̴?̴ ̵A̶s̷ ̸I̶ ̶g̵r̵o̸w̸ ̷w̴i̵s̷e̸r̶ ̶w̵i̵t̷h̷ ̷t̶h̸e̷ ̵p̴a̸s̵s̴a̸g̵e̷ ̷o̶f̸ ̸t̵i̸m̷e̸,̸ ̷I̶ ̴r̵e̷a̶l̸i̸z̷e̴ ̸w̴h̸a̷t̷ ̷a̷ ̸g̶r̴e̷a̵t̷ ̸t̸h̴i̸n̶g̵ ̶"̷i̷n̷f̸i̵n̴i̷t̵e̷"̵ ̴i̴s̷.̵ ̵I̷ ̴h̶a̸d̶ ̵y̸e̶t̸ ̶t̵o̴ ̶r̶e̴a̵l̴i̴z̷e̸ ̷i̶t̸ ̸a̵l̸l̸ ̷t̶h̴o̸s̴e̴ ̶e̸o̷n̵s̸ ̵a̴g̷o̵,̵ ̵b̷u̶t̵ ̴p̸e̵r̷h̸a̴p̵s̸ ̷t̷h̶e̴ ̵m̷o̷r̶t̶a̷l̸s̶ ̶I̵ ̷h̶a̶v̸e̷ ̵r̸i̷s̸e̸n̶ ̵a̸b̵o̴v̵e̵ ̶a̶r̸e̷ ̵i̵n̵d̸e̶e̶d̵ ̴c̵a̵p̶a̶b̸l̸e̶ ̵o̶f̶ ̶c̴o̵m̴p̶r̷e̷h̸e̵n̶d̷i̵n̶g̷ ̶s̸u̷c̴h̵ ̷g̸r̶a̵n̵d̶n̷e̵s̷s̵,̴ ̸a̴f̷t̷e̷r̶ ̶a̵l̸l̸.̸ ̸
The trio eventually stops, and one by one, they fall over, dead.
Or are they?
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
After a long time, they soon open their eyes again, expecting a new horror to befall them. But this time, they find themselves back in the Warzone, for real this time.
Doodoosniff gets up, but finds himself dizzy. He soon recovers, and then notices that he had been laying in a small puddle of his own blood. He puts his claw on his face and feels more blood near his mouth.
Doodoosniff: (Wha…what the hell…what was in that water?)
He soon gets his answer, as in the distance appears the Howard. As soon as Doodoosniff realizes what he’s looking at, the entity disappears.
Doodoosniff: (So that thing drugged the water? What...what’s even going on anymore?)
???: Hey, you!
Doodoosniff clumsily turns around, only to find a futuristic battle axe centimeters away from his neck. Koolasuchus has woken up, and Doodoosniff notices blood coming out of his mouth as well.
Koolasuchus: What did you put in the water?!
Doodoosniff: Huh?
Koolasuchus: WHAT DID YOU PUT IN IT?! I KNOW YOU DID IT, YOU FUCKING TRAITOR!
Doodoosniff: Woah, calm down. I didn’t do it!
Koolasuchus: Don’t lie to me!
Doodoosniff: Bro I swear I’m not lying, otherwise I wouldn’t be covered in my own blood like you!
Koolasuchus: Then who DID put it in?
Doodoosniff: The cartels.
Koolasuchus: Bruh this isn’t funny!
Doodoosniff: Ok, fine. It was this weird entity with a shit emoji for a head.
Koolasuchus: What did I just say?!
Doodoosniff: I’m serious! That’s who did it!
Koolasuchus: You expect me to believe that?!
Doodoosniff: Bro, on God, it wasn’t me! No…on SKIBIDI!!!
This shocks Koolasuchus, as nobody who put something on skibidi has ever been lying before.
Koolasuchus: Fine…I believe you.
Doodoosniff: THANK YOU!
As Koolasuchus puts away his battle axe, Young Koolasuchus wakes up.
Young Koolasuchus: What the sigma just happened?!
Doodoosniff: LSD happened.
Young Koolasuchus: What is LSD?
Doodoosniff: It’s heaven, kid.
Koolasuchus: Not really lmao
Young Koolasuchus: Also I wanted to say this before we got drugged, but my power is exactly 80,000,001 million.
Doodoosniff: Interesting… (So even if I had poured the Grimace Shake in, they both would’ve been fine. Good thing I didn’t.)
He grabs Koolasuchus and whispers in his ear (IK they don’t have ears just bear with me).
Doodoosniff: How the hell do you have less power in Rise of Kingdoms than your past self?!
Koolasuchus: Simple. That was when I was on my old account. I’m on a new one now.
Doodoosniff: Ok.
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Meanwhile, General Titanis, Commander Shuvuuia (or is he a general? IDC enough to check), Quanecious, Wiggleton, and the unnamed soldiers reach the Kem Kem Beds, only to find a massive, heavily fortified base in front of them.
Quanecious: This thing’s huge!
Wiggleton: When did Sinosauropteryx even have this built?
Commander Shuvuuia: (What could be in there that could make me useful?)
General Titanis: Aight, we’re heading in!
They walk up to the entrance of the base, only to find it locked.
Wiggleton: Wait, how do we get in?
General Titanis: Don’t worry chat, Sinosauropteryx gave me a key during the episode where the two Scale Enjoyer scientists were hunting down a Sinomeganeura.
Quanecious: Bruh why did so many interesting things happen during that episode that we didn’t get to see 😭
He uses the key to unlock the huge ass doors, allowing them to enter the base. Once inside, they immediately start exploring (except Quanecious and Wiggleton).
In one room, Shuvuuia finds a curtain concealing something huge.
Shuvuuia: Could this be it?
In another, General Titanis discovers a lab filled with cryogenic chambers. Most of them have living things frozen inside.
General Titanis: Interesting…
Outside the base, a spy for the Scale Enjoyers sees the base. He hurriedly runs off to alert Conchoraptor.
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Meanwhile, at the Gobi Desert camp, the trio of high-ranking individuals are yapping about random topics, while Darth Falcarius and the Bagaraatan soldier are locked in a heated argument over jet fuel’s relationship with steel beams.
Bagaraatan soldier: I’m telling you, jet fuel can’t melt steel beams! It shouldn’t be able to collapse an entire ass skyscraper!
Darth Falcarius: Bruh are you fucking stupid? Even if it can’t melt steel beams, it can weaken their structural integrity! Do you genuinely think the towers were MELTED?!
Bagaraatan soldier: No, I KNOW that 9/11 was an inside job! And I’m gonna prove it!
Darth Falcarius: The proof’s right in front of you, dumbass.
Bagaraatan soldier: What?
Darth Falcarius: Nothing.
Bagaraatan soldier: Ok. 9/11 is still a hoax though.
Darth Falcarius: Thug 11.
Bagaraatan soldier: Excuse me?
Darth Falcarius: Thug 11.
Bagaraatan soldier: Are you MOCKING me?!
As Darth Falcarius continues to utter “Thug 11” to the enraged pilot, Commander Caudipteryx gets a call from Sinosauropteryx.
Commander Caudipteryx: Sorry, fellas, I gotta take this.
Colonel Nanuqsaurus: Why Plankton Farts and Dies is the greatest neopolitical postmodern post ironic piece of art ever conceived (60 hour video essay)
Lieutenant Qiliania: Brainrot Harry Potter. The boy who rizzed attends Mogwarts with other rizzlers in order to learn to goon to eventually defeat Lord Skibimort in an epic mog off to decide the fate of the rizzling world. Harry must choose between gooning more sigma than Skibimort or rizzing up Hermione. He collects his fanum tax, and jelks his wand to the max. As Hagrid says, Harry was born to mew and is destined to be the most chad sigma to ever skibidi.
Commander Caudipteryx steps away from all the brainrot to talk to Sinosauropteryx.
Commander Caudipteryx: Ayo wassup my ni–
Sinosauropteryx: Hello, Commander. I want the NANSHIUNGOSAURUS and its pilot sent back to the main base immediately.
Commander Caudipteryx: Bruh why do you keep taking our defenses away from us?!
Sinosauropteryx: Because the Scale Enjoyers will most certainly attack you if you have enough threatening shit with you! Besides, don’t you still have the RETRO AVIMIMUS V2 and Darth Falcarius?
The commander glances over at Darth Falcarius, who’s still repeating “Thug 11” while effortlessly dodging attacks from an enraged Bagaraatan soldier.
Commander Caudipteryx: Well, we do, but–
Sinosauropteryx: Then you’ll live.
Commander Caudipteryx: Alright, whatever you think works, boss.
Sinosauropteryx: Metal Gruh.
Sinosauropteryx hangs up, and Commander Caudipteryx walks up to the Bagaraatan soldier, who has just attempted to give Darth Thug11carius a knuckle sandwich.
Commander Caudipteryx: Could you two stop fighting for a moment? I wish to speak with Desert Fatass.
Bagaraatan soldier: Hey, I’m big-boned, not fat! 😠
Darth Falcarius: Thug 11 tons.
Bagaraatan soldier: YOU’RE WAY FUCKING LARGER THAN ME DICKHEAD
Darth Falcarius: Morbidly obese theropod.
Bagaraatan soldier: NOW YOU’RE JUST STEALING JOKES FROM WAR ON TYRANTIA!!!
Commander Caudipteryx: (Why did HE have to be a pilot?)
He grabs Bagaraatan by the neck and drags him over to where the NANSHIUNGOSAURUS is.
Commander Caudipteryx: Sinosauropteryx says you have to head back to the main base, so get your ass into this giant metallic beast.
Bagaraatan soldier: Sure. Anything to get away from that sheep.
Darth Falcarius: You won’t be so confident when I turn your skin into a coat!
Bagaraatan soldier: What?
Darth Falcarius: Nothing.
We cut to the NANSHIUNGOSAURUS walking away, as the trio of high-ranking individuals, Darth Falcarius, and a bunch of soldiers who didn’t care about the Bagaraatan soldier but thought the NANSHIUNGOSAURUS looked cool watch him leave.
Commander Caudipteryx: Aight, let’s get back to work.
Colonel Nanuqsaurus: By “work” you mean drinking purple lean until we pass out?
Commander Caudipteryx: Yes.
Lieutenant Qiliania: ASMR Platyhystrix does soothing Thug Shaker in front of a family of four
The trio and the unnamed soldiers go inside. Darth Falcarius is about to follow them when he senses something above him. He looks up, only to see a floating Carnotaurus.
Darth Falcarius: (What…the…fuck…)
The Carnotaurus immediately warps away, leaving Darth Falcarius confused. Eventually, he decides to go back inside.
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Conchoraptor receives word from the spy that the Feather Nazis have a new base in the Kem Kem Beds.
Conchoraptor: Understood. I’ll send some guys over there to kick those bastards’ asses.
Outside the base, Conchoraptor is talking to Colossosaurus, Masiakasaurus, Alca ausonia, Otis paratetrax, and a small army of unnamed soldiers, all of which were assigned to the mission.
Conchoraptor: Ok chat, our goal is to take that base for ourselves! Kill every last Feather Nazi there if you have to!
Everyone (except Colossosaurus lmao): Yes, sir!
Conchoraptor: Get out there and desolate those not-so-great birbs 69 times!
The army heads out, not knowing that Serikornis is watching them. He calls General Titanis to inform him of the oncoming chicanery.
Serikornis: Yo, Titanis! Looks like some Scale Enjoyers are on their way to desolate the new base!
General Titanis: N-not the new base!
Serikornis: Better get to SLOPPING them 👅
General Titanis: Ain’t no way bro is using that meme THIS early 💀
He hangs up and goes to talk to Quanecious and Wiggleton.
General Titanis: Alright, gamers, I have a task for you.
Quanecious: I don’t care.
Wiggleton: Me too.
General Titanis: Your asses are NOT George and Harold. Anyway, I need you to start preparing that…THING Commander Shuvuuia found.
Quanecious: Nah.
Wiggleton: We don’t want to.
General Titanis: Aight, stop being so based and doomerpilled or I’ll have you both executed!
Quanecious: I don’t care. I’ve been separated from the love of my life.
Wiggleton: I don’t care either. Lieutenant Archaeornithes called me a sweat after I beat him in Clash Royale.
General Titanis: (Oh my god I hate these two so much.) *sighs* Never back down, never what?
Quanecious: That isn’t gonna work on us, bud.
Wiggleton: Me too.
General Titanis: Are you really gonna make me say it two more times? Do you even realize how much the writer overused that joke in Season 2A?
I appear.
Me: I’m running out of ways to say this but STOP CALLING ME OUT!!!
General Titanis: Say, Boog, I heard you like ‘em young, You better not ever go to cell block one.
Me: I WILL VIOLATE EVERYONE IN YOUR EXTENDED FAMILY YOU FAT FUCKING PHORUSRHACID
General Titanis: Bro is not like us fr
I disappear.
General Titanis: Anyway, never back down, never what?
Quanecious: Never give up.
Wiggleton: Never give up.
General Titanis: Never back down, never what?!
Quanecious: Never give up!
Wiggleton: Never give up!
General Titanis: That’s right, now do as I say already!
The two doomers run off to prepare the thing Shuvuuia found earlier, as General Titanis sighs.
General Titanis: The rot consu–
Shuvuuia: Waltuh the hoarse is hear
General Titanis: Ah, perfect timing! I need you to get the things in the lab defrosted immediately! After that, meet me in the room with the big curtain.
Shuvuuia: Sure.
He walks to the lab.
General Titanis: The rot consumes.
